Changing Means Staying The Same
by northerngurl
Summary: Clare is with KC. Eli comes on the scene. What happens when Clare begins to question her beliefs in order to keep KC? And how does Eli fit into all of this?
1. Crushing First Impression

**Okay so this is my first EClare fanfic. It's written from both Clare's and Eli's point of views. I hope you all like it. If I get good responses I'll keep going. If not, I'll get the hint. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or its characters.**

"You should have known he'd bail. He always bails, unless it's something that's important to _him_."

I tried to ignore Ali's snide remark, but I couldn't. It stuck firmly in my mind and festered there, creating more doubt and ill feelings about the current state of my relationship. But what did I know? This was my first boyfriend and maybe this is what relationships were all about, give and take. Maybe more give on one person's part and more take on the other's.

"Stop second guessing yourself and get angry, Clare," Ali snapped. "You bought these tickets, like, a month ago. He's one of your favourite authors and I know you personally waited in that emo-infested line in the dingiest, dankest part of town for three hours to get them. Tell KC to cancel his basketball-induced plans and go with his girlfriend to this reading!"

I swallowed the bile that was quickly finding its way back up my esophagus and rolled my eyes at my dark haired best friend. "Stop being so dramatic, Ali. KC has his things and I have mine. Just because we're dating doesn't mean that we have to do all of the same stuff, all of the time."

Now it was Ali's turn to roll her eyes at me. "Oh who are we kidding, Clare? No couple needs to be together 24/7. But you should spend some time together, don't you think? When's the last time the two of you have even gone out together? (And I mean for more than just a burger at The Dot or coffee.)"

I shrugged and turned away from her, hoping that she would get my not-so-subtle hint and drop the conversation. This was nothing new. I have this same conversation with myself every few days, especially when it feels like KC would rather be with anyone else but me.

Ali threw an arm casually across my shoulders. "I nag because I care, Clare. I just think that something's really changed with KC. Ever since he joined the football team, it's like he thinks he's too good to be around you lately. And that, my dear friend, is so not the truth!"

I smiled. "Thanks. I appreciate your honesty, I do. It's just that KC and I have never been the typical couple. We're different and I'm okay with that. Too stuck together brings on a whole gamut of other issues that someone like me definitely doesn't want or need."

Ali knew just what I was talking about so she dropped the issue and we continued our trek to Degrassi Community School in silence.

"It's no big deal, CeCe. It's just school."

My mom smiled and wrinkled her nose in my direction, before shooting a knowing look to my father, who was seated at the end of our kitchen table drinking his morning cup of joe and flipping through the entertainment section of the local newspaper.

"A new school is nothing to scoff at, Eli. It's a big deal, especially given everything that you're overcoming right now. The Bull and I just want you to be happy, kid."

I sighed. So we were going to do this again. "Can we please get over this? The whole point of transferring to a new school is to get some kind of fresh start. That can't happen if the two of you don't start letting things go. It's been a long year for everyone. I just wanna start over. Degrassi sounds like a normal, everyday, let-me-express-myself kind of school. So no more talk of death or Julia or this last year, okay?"

My parents, CeCe and Bullfrog, are definitely not your typical parents. My house is liberal. In fact, we're so far to the left, we practically fall off the edge. But they care. I know this, especially given everything that I've been through this past year. I just want them to stop caring so much, to go back to the parents who didn't have to call to say they'd be late, or leave casseroles in the oven for me to eat if they couldn't be home, or to change the tires on my car when the first sign of flurries hit. I just wanted things to go back to "normal", or at least, _our_ normal.

My dad stood, stretching his tattooed arms above his head and letting out a groan. "Well, kid, The Bull's gotta bolt. Radio waits for no man, even this one. Have a good day, don't get into trouble, study hard, all that stuff a good father would typically say to his teenage son."

I smirked and nodded at him, finishing the last of my orange juice. "Thanks. You guys can stop worrying. I'm leaving now."

My mom stood and, uncharacteristically for her, began to fuss with the lapels of my black suit jacket. "Just try, okay Eli?"

I knew what she was pleading for. The pain and yearning was there in her eyes. She wanted things to go back to the way they had been too. She would never admit it, but I'm sure all this fussing was completely out of her element and she totally wanted to ditch it.

I nodded and faked a smile that I was sure would put her worry to rest, at least for the next few hours. "I will. I'd be more worried about Degrassi than me. That school has no idea what's about to hit it."

"I know that lecturing me about my relationship with KC was foremost on your list of conversation points this morning, but weren't you going to say anything about my lack of glasses?" I asked hopefully.

Ali smiled. "Of course I noticed and of course you look amazing. So how are your eyes? They don't hurt or anything?"

I'd opted to have Lasik eye surgery over the summer holidays, saying adios to my annoying glasses. The surgery had gone extremely well and I felt fabulous not having to worry about my glasses all of the time. Other than my parents, Ali was the first person to see me. I wished she would have freaked out the second she caught sight of me, but I would settle for her praise now. Besides, the only person I was really hoping to impress was KC. I couldn't wait for him to see me and, fingers crossed, gush wildly about how "hot" his girlfriend was.

I dug into my satchel and removed my gold-framed glasses. "So what should I do with these?"

Ali shrugged and reached out to take the glasses from my hand. Just as she did so, some guy threw a football from across the campus of Degrassi, and the guy who caught it bumped into Ali so hard that my glasses flew out of her hands. They landed a few feet away, on the pavement. I shot Ali a look.

"Well that was close," I stated flatly, taking a step to go retrieve my glasses, which were probably scratched all over by now.

I didn't need the glasses anymore, but it never hurt to keep them. As I was thinking of donating my used glasses to the less fortunate, I heard a car and then a crunch. I looked up and my mouth dropped open.

"Is that a hearse?" Ali asked, stepping to my side.

I nodded, still unable to close my gaping mouth. A hearse had run over my glasses. A hearse. What was a hearse doing at Degrassi?

The driver's side door opened and a black motorcycle boot stepped out.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Ali whispered. "He is gorgeous!"

The guy who stepped out of the hearse was dressed all in black, wearing chains and more jewellery than me. His hair was black, of course, and cropped long. His eyes, lined in black, were hypnotizing. Sure, he looked scary, but Ali wasn't mistaken; he was gorgeous.

He bent down, retrieved my now crushed glasses, and approached Ali and I. He handed me the glasses and said, "Sorry. Guess Morty didn't see them."

"Morty? Your name's Morty?" Ali grinned, not trying very hard to hide her amusement.

The new guy smirked. "Morty's my car. He apologizes too."

I smiled. "Thanks. I don't really need them anymore. I was just trying to figure out what to do with them."

He nodded. "Well it's good you decided to get rid of them. You have really beautiful eyes."

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I had the chance, he was already gone, entering the main doors of Degrassi.

"Wow!" Ali sighed. "Now that was a memorable way to make a first impression."

I finally breathed, but still couldn't manage to talk. Whoever he was, it didn't matter. I had KC. So why was I still finding it hard to breathe?


	2. Apprehension

**Thanks so much for the great reviews. I've revised a bit, so the different POV's are obvious. Hope you enjoy!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

"Hey there, beautiful!"

I swung around and couldn't help but flush at the wide-eyed amazement on KC's face. So he noticed. And he liked. Perfect!

"Clare, you look amazing!" he exclaimed. "What? Where? Where are your glasses?"

I smiled, stepping toward him. I pretended to think. "My glasses? Well my glasses are sitting at the bottom of a garbage can outside of school right now. I had wanted to give them to the poor or something, but they kind of got, run over."

KC eyed me carefully, confusion written all over his face. "Someone ran over your glasses? Really? Can you even see right now?"

He waved his hand in front of my face. I grabbed it and held it down to my side, refusing to release it. I enjoyed being close with KC. And lately, we haven't exactly had many chances for this kind of intimacy, so I planned to take full advantage of it.

KC smiled down at me and tugged our joined hands so I was pressed firmly against his chest. He looked down at me, his smile widening. "Hi," he whispered seductively.

"Hi," I whispered back.

Before we both knew what was happening, we were kissing. KC and I have always had this wonderful chemistry, even before we succumbed to it. This has never been our problem. Or maybe it has. Because I have promised to live my life according to the teachings of God and God doesn't want teenagers to engage in this kind of stuff too much. Too much kissing leads to all kinds of other things, things that I have vowed never to do. Thus maybe our physical attraction is a bigger problem than I originally thought.

I pulled away from KC and he groaned. "Clare," he whispered. "It's just kissing. But I know. No crossing the line. So…"

I smiled shyly. He said the words, but the feelings weren't there. KC cared. What guy wouldn't?

"I gotta get to class. So did you ask Ali about Saturday?"

"I did. She's got plans though. I guess she and Jenna are planning to go to the football booster party."

KC nodded, staring off into the space of the littered hallway. "You could come too, you know?"

I dropped KC's hand, more from reflex than thought. When someone slaps you it makes you want to slap them back. What KC had just said to me was tantamount to abuse. He knew how much I had gone through to get the tickets for Saturday night's book reading. He knew how much I wanted to go. But for him, I should want what he wants, and he wants to go to the football party.

"Don't be mad, Clare. I was just offering. Who wants to go to a book reading on a Saturday night, alone?"

"No one. When I got the tickets, I figured I'd be going with you, KC. I should have known better," I pointed out.

He took a deep breath, his eyes still staring down the hall. "I don't want to fight, okay? Go to your book reading. I'll go to the football party. We can do coffee on Sunday. I gotta get going to class."

He was off down the hall before I even had the chance to respond to his suggestion. I followed his back and found him chatting away with Jenna at the entrance to his Algebra class. They were laughing, and then they walked into the class together. Something about the exchange made me feel a little apprehensive, but I didn't know why. Jenna, the new girl, had fit into this school so well because of me. She was the last person I needed to worry about.

"Blue eyes," came a voice from behind.

I whirled around and was face to face with the mystery murderer of my glasses. He eyed me carefully and continued to smirk.

"So I'm new here."

"I've noticed," I responded, finally finding my voice, although it came out very soft and almost like a whisper.

"I have English. Can you tell me how to get to Ms. Dawes' class?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded, but again, was speechless.

He looked at me carefully, obviously noticing that I was not responding to his question and that he would have to prod me a bit. He reached behind me and gently closed my locker. When his eyes met mine again, the humour of the moment was present there. "If I start walking, will you at least tell me if I'm going in the wrong direction?"

I swallowed, reminding myself that I was acting silly. I took a deep breath and said, "I have English too. We can walk there together. I'm Clare."

He smirked, falling into step beside me. "Eli. It's nice to meet you, Clare."

We walked to Ms. Dawes' room together, neither really saying a word, which wasn't odd given that the hallway was beginning to fill up with students trying to get to class on time, so chatting was pretty difficult. When we got to class, Eli chose a seat right in front of mine, but never turned back around the entire time. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. And I also didn't know why I was still having a hard time catching my breath around this mystery guy…

**ELI'S POV:**

She was cute, that point couldn't be argued. Not sexy, like some girls who show a little too much and leave a lot less to the imagination. Sure, those were the girls guys had wet dreams about, wondering what it would be like to have dirty sex in the janitor's closet with. That was definitely not this girl. Not Clare.

Clare was covered from top to bottom, wearing a cute little flowered dress with a pair of tights underneath. You could guess that she had a nice figure, but couldn't be sure. That kind of mystery was more of a turn-on than a completely naked girl throwing herself at you. Guys like the hunt, the chase, the wondering. Clare was definitely someone who would make a guy work for it.

I wasn't sure why this was the vibe I was getting from her. We hadn't talked more than to exchange names and the usual first-meeting pleasantries. Maybe it was the solid gold cross that hung around her neck, speaking volumes about her religious background. Maybe it was the way she answered the questions in English class that no other student knew. She had a way about her. It was intriguing and intoxicating all at the same time. Whatever it was, I wanted to know more about her.


	3. Enticing Poetry

**Thanks again for the great reviews! Enjoy!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I got to the book reading a little late, after having to lie to my mother about going with Ali and then trying to explain why I wasn't being dropped off at her place instead of walking. The tension in my parents' marriage had made their intensity toward my life inflame over the summer. _What are you doing? Where are you going? Who will you be with? When will you be home?_ They had promised me they would try hard to stop fighting in front of me all of the time. This had happened, but it backfired on me. They stopped fighting with each other and started to hover over me instead.

So when I finally arrived at the book store, there were literally no seats left. The store had opted for a more intimate reading, placing small, round tables, with 2 or 3 chairs surrounding them, around the space, instead of the typical rows of folding metal chairs you typically see at these events. I guess I would have to stand the whole time, and began to look for a place where I wouldn't be intrusive on any of the other book lovers.

"Blue Eyes?"

I turned around, only to find Eli, sitting at a table by himself, in a dimly lit corner.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, walking over to his table.

He used his foot to push the other chair at his table out. He gestured toward it with a simple nod of his head. "You should sit. They haven't started yet."

I sat down, mostly on the edge of the seat, afraid to get too comfortable in the company of a virtual stranger, and an obviously dark one at that. He eyed me, his intense gaze making me feel hot under my small, button-up sweater. But then the lights dimmed and Roger Steely's deep, pulsating voice took over the small space of the book store. For the moment, I forgot that I was in Eli's company and enjoyed listening to the words of a poetical genius.

**ELI'S POV:**

I watched her, when she had no idea that my eyes were taking in every bit of her, in a non-sexual way of course. I just loved watching the human experience, especially taking in any kind of art form like this book reading. And Clare didn't disappoint. Her face was like an open book, registering every emotion that Roger's words were eliciting from within her. When he spoke of devastation, she looked despondent. When he was reading about love, her face looked wistful. And finally, in his closing poem, Roger chose one of his more sensual pieces, and I thought that Clare's blush was the most beautiful thing I had ever been privy to.

When the lights finally came back up, Clare swung around suddenly, catching me staring at her, the red flush still evident on her flawless cheeks.

"That was…"

"Enticing?" I offered, smirking mischievously at her.

Clare swallowed. "I was going to say good."

My smirk grew. I raised an eyebrow in question. "I would have thought that someone with such a risqué preference in literature would have a far more colourful vocabulary to describe a situation just like this."

She knew that I was teasing her, but couldn't help her cheeks from flaming. She shifted in her seat and I could tell that she was uncomfortable with even this slight bit of flirtation. I smiled to myself, thoroughly enjoying every minute of this exchange. To think that I'd almost passed up the opportunity to come tonight.

"Can I 'entice' you into a cup of coffee?" I asked her, hoping that I hadn't already scared her off with my forwardness.

"Um, well, um, I really shouldn't," she stammered nervously.

"Got somewhere else you have to be?"

**CLARE'S POV:**

I couldn't help but think of KC, at the football party by himself. And here I was, sharing a table at the back of a dimly-lit book store, with a guy I barely knew, but couldn't deny I was oddly attracted to. We had just listened to what some would say was an erotic piece of literature and we were now flirting. I really needed to get home.

"Clare?"

I smiled and got to my feet, adjusting the strap of my purse. "Thanks for letting me share your table. I have to get home."

"Can I at least give you a drive home?" he offered, getting to his feet too.

"Drive?"

"Yeah. Remember my car? Morty? Killed your glasses?"

He was trying to be cute and it was working. A huge part of me wanted to accept the ride. Another part of me thought that riding in a hearse would be all too morbid, a feeling I wasn't really looking forward to having any time soon.

"I'll be okay. But thanks. Really. I had fun."

I knew that I was backing toward the exit like the place was on fire and Eli was holding gasoline, but I couldn't help myself. This guy, Eli, was dangerous. That much I knew. I just didn't know why I felt this strongly about him.


	4. Trust?

**CLARE'S POV:**

"So you shared a table with the new guy?" Ali asked, her smiling spreading.

"Eli."

"His name is Eli? Very biblical, isn't it?" she teased, winking at me.

"If you knew him, you wouldn't think that. I don't know what it is, but there's something dark about him. Maybe it's the fact that he drives a hearse!"

"Who cares? He's cute, Clare."

"Who's cute?" KC asked, entering our conversation and putting an arm across my shoulder.

I shook my head and eyed Ali, trying to warn her with my gaze that this conversation was now over. "No one. You know Ali. There's always a new flavour of the month."

KC laughed. "Really? I thought you and Drew looked pretty cozy at the football party on Saturday."

With the attention clearly off of the fact that I had spent Saturday night with Eli, I listened to Ali gush about the new quarterback on our football team, Drew Torres. I also listened to KC and Ali chat about the happenings of the football party on the weekend, catching up on any pertinent gossip I would need. I was so engrossed with our talk that I didn't see Eli until he was standing just outside of our group.

"Clare."

I turned at the familiar sound of his husky voice and smiled. "Hi Eli."

He nodded his head, but kept on walking, as though he were much too busy to stop and talk to the people I was conversing with. That was alright by me. The less explanation, the better, especially when it came to KC.

"So who's the undertaker?" KC asked.

"He's new," Ali volunteered. "His name's Eli. He ran over Clare's glasses." She grinned widely at me, making a small wave as she sauntered away from KC and I.

"He ran over your glasses? You were serious about that? Want me to talk to him?"

I've never been one of those girls who get turned on by a guy asserting his strength in defense of the poor, helpless girl. But now, watching the way KC glared at Eli's back, I actually felt valued, more so than I had in a long time. I reached for KC's hand and turned him to face me, taking his face with my free hand. I brought his tall form down to kiss me, gently at first, and then more fully. I wanted to convey just what he'd be missing if some other guy took me away.

When the kiss ended, KC staggered back a step, his pupils dilated, obviously having enjoyed our embrace. "Clare?"

I smiled, licking my lips seductively. "Eli's not a problem, KC. I've gotta get to class. Meet me for lunch?"

KC nodded dumbly, as I walked away. When I glanced behind I saw him touching his lips and imagined him thinking of the staggering kiss I had planted on him earlier. Now, maybe Eli wasn't such a bad thing after all…

**ELI'S POV:**

I watched Clare, my Clare, or at least the girl I wanted to be mine, laying one on the tall jock and felt my happiness fade. So she was taken and by someone I couldn't measure up against no matter what I did. Well, that was settled then.

I made my way to English class, taking my seat, and was surprised to see Clare enter the class, drifting to her seat as if she were riding on a cloud. Crap!

"What's got you so happy?" I asked, not able to avoid the giant pink elephant in the room.

She blushed profusely at this question and instinctively touched her lower lip. "No reason."

"Didn't look like no reason to me," I whispered before turning my back to her.

**CLARE'S POV:**

"So you used Eli to make KC jealous?" Ali asked, taking a crunchy bite of her carrot stick and raising a curious, perfectly formed eyebrow.

I shook my head. "KC is not jealous of Eli because there is nothing to be jealous about. I just kissed him. KC, I mean. And it was a great kiss, Ali. If KC thinks other guys are into me, then maybe he'll start paying a bit more attention."

Ali's gaze shifted across the cafeteria to where Jenna was sitting with a few of the Power Squad members. She looked back at me. "Despite the fact that I was pretty busy with Drew on Saturday, which we will talk about later, I was able to notice that KC wasn't exactly alone either. He was sitting with Jenna for an awfully long time."

Again I felt that sick feeling take hold in the pit of my stomach. I pushed it aside and said, "Jenna's my friend, Ali. I know that you have something against her for some reason, but I can trust her. And besides, even if I couldn't, I trust KC. He's a good, decent guy."

Ali looked back over at Jenna and admitted, "She hasn't done anything… yet. Just don't be so quick to follow that blind faith you tend to have in people, okay? Watch your back, okay?"

I stuck my tongue out at her and continued to choke down my lunch as best I could. KC and I were just in a slump, that was all. I looked over at Jenna, with her long, blonde hair and shapely curves. She had warned Ali and I that she had a reputation as somewhat of a boyfriend stealer, but she had sworn that was behind her. I could trust her. I could trust KC. Right?


	5. Party Time

**Thanks for the reviews! I've got a few more chapters in the works after this one, so if I get the right responses, I will post more and fast! Enjoy!**

**ELI'S POV:**

A lot happened in my first month at Degrassi. I had made a few new friends, namely a guy way more screwed up than me, Adam (whose story is long and complicated, but who has proven to be a great support to a new kid that lots of others are unwilling to give a chance to) and our school president, a senior named Sav. (Just as a side note, Sav happens to be Ali's brother. Ali just happens to be Clare's best friend. Can you see where this is going? It's good to have a well-thought out plan, especially when you're a guy like me!)

So Sav's parents went out of town for their anniversary, leaving their two "very responsible" (the Bandhari's words, not mine) teenage children home alone for the evening. Not that I would know since it's before my time at Degrassi, but Sav's recently gone through some girl trouble. He wanted nothing more than to have a real guy's night; beer, video games, jamming to some music. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately when you really think about it) Ali wanted a reason to spend some time with Drew Torres, Adam's brother and Ali's latest crush. It all equated to a party, my first Degrassi party, and from what I'd heard, they could get pretty wild.

"Does this shirt look like I'm ready to party or like I'm a girl trying to be a guy?" Adam asked as I opened my front door to him night of Sav and Ali's big bash. He held the hem of the button-up, dark blue shirt out for effect, giving me his typical I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing look.

"Hi to you too," I said, sarcasm dripping from my words. I held the door open and Adam entered my house. "You look fine. And just an FYI, guys don't ask other guys how they look. It's against the code. No matter how long we spend on a 'look', we always make it seem like we just threw it together on the fly."

Adam nodded his head taking it all in. Okay, so here's the deal with Adam. Adam used to be Grace. That's right, a girl. A girl who's always felt trapped in the wrong body. A girl, who made the decision to live completely, entirely, as a guy. I know. How do I get myself into these predicaments? But seriously, Adam has been a great friend, the first real friend I've made here. And no matter what, you can't deny that it takes a lot of balls to stop being who you are and start being who you really want to be. I envy Adam for his courage and wish that I had even half of his bravado.

I slipped my jacket on, yelled a quick bye to the 'rentals and Adam and I headed out to the party.

"So I understand that you're…different and all, but what's the real deal with this thing?" Adam asked, touching the dashboard of my car tentatively.

"My uncle used to work at a funeral home. They were revamping their cars and Morty here was about to head to the scrapyard. I thought it would be a great conversation piece, which it is. Plus it really makes people fear me. I like having that edge," I admitted.

"Well not everyone fears you," Adam said offhandedly. "KC pretty much wants to destroy you. You know that, right?"

KC. Clare's boyfriend. Okay, so my intrigue in Clare has intensified during this past month, I'll admit to that. We work together in English, and often feed off each other's creative energy. We have a banter, like most good couples, that borders on flirtation. And I love every minute of it. Except…

Clare has KC, her boyfriend. As much as I've tried to get along with KC, like I've become friends with most of Clare's acquaintances, it's just beyond me. There's something about the overly tall jock that rubs me the wrong way. More than just the fact that he gets to have Clare. And I'm pretty sure that the feeling is completely mutual.

"KC's a Neanderthal. What Clare possibly sees in him is beyond me," I complained.

Adam smiled. "You have a thing for Clare, don't you?"

I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. "You know my recent history with girls, Adam. I am not interested in starting anything with anyone. Clare's cool, but she's not my type."

"Okay," Adam said with very little conviction. "But just so you know, Clare, she's not as 'happy' with KC as she tries to make it seem. And I bet she'd love to know that when shit goes down, she's got you there as support."

**CLARE'S POV:**

"I am not wearing this," I protested, pulling at the bottom of the overly short dress Ali had practically forced me into. "It's not me, Ali. KC will be able to see through this in a second."

Ali grinned, a glint of mischief in her eye. "Who said that getup is for KC?"

"Who else…" I started to say, until my thick head caught on to Ali's devious plan. "Ali! I am not dressing like a sinner for Eli Goldsworthy!"

Ali shrugged, fluffed her hair and left the room. I stared at myself in her full-length mirror, amazed that I could look like this and actually pull it off. I thought about KC and what he might think seeing me dressed like this. I pondered Jenna and her way of being sexy without even trying. I wasn't a moron. I knew that KC found her appealing. Most guys did. And then, as if sneaking its way into the confines of my brain, another thought began to take form. _Eli barely knows she exists._

**ELI'S POV:**

"Nice place, Sav."

"Thanks," Sav said, greeting Adam and I at the school. Once he escorted us in, he nodded his head toward a girl standing off in the distance. "Look, I've got Holly J here tonight, so you guys are on your own for a bit. If you guys want a drink, help yourself. Beer's in the kitchen."

Adam and I watched Sav, our older role model, head off to lick the boots of the school's scariest girl, Holly J. Sinclair. Well, life was about challenges.

"Holy hell!" Adam exclaimed.

"Huh?" I muttered. Adam pointed to the stairs with an index finger.

So you know how in movies, there's always this incredibly gorgeous girl walking down a set of stairs in slow motion? And then there's some poor lovesick bastard standing at the bottom, staring up at this vision, hoping that one day she will be his? Sounds corny right? Well this was totally one of those moments.

Clare was walking down the stairs, one heeled foot at a time, in a short dress that was playful, but not slutty, showing just enough skin to make a guy like me wish he could get a glimpse of so much more. Her short locks were extra curly, extra flirty, and her makeup was flawless, right down to the glossy lipstick that made her lips even more full and pouty than before. To say that I was dumbfounded would be the biggest understatement of the century. I was a bumbling idiot.

"Didn't know our little Clare had it in her," Adam joked.

But this was no joke. This was a problem. A major problem. Because Clare walked down those stairs and into the arms of KC Guthrie, who held onto her tiny frame like it was his own personal property. And then I remembered why I hated parties so very much. People drank and people hooked up. Clare was probably spending the night here, given that Ali was her best friend. KC would probably find some way to get Clare alone and then they would hook up. As if they weren't already doing that every time they were alone anyway. Those two were probably going at it like rabbits. Hell, I'd be all over her if she was my girlfriend.

**CLARE'S POV:**

I didn't know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't what I got. KC made the initial move, holding onto me for dear life, staking his claim so that the other guys at the party knew I was unavailable. But that was it. Then he was off with his cronies and members of the Power Squad. I felt like I didn't belong with those people and KC certainly wasn't jumping all over himself to let me in.

"Where's Ken?" Eli asked, joining me in the kitchen where I had staked out a place that was just outside of the action, but still a front row seat to watch what was unfolding.

"Ken?" I questioned, still staring ahead.

Eli narrowed his eyes. "Ken and Barbie? I was attempting to make a joke, although given the fact that you completely missed it, I guess it was a flop. I meant your boyfriend, KC?"

I nodded my head in KC's general direction, where he was busy chatting, once again, with Jenna.

"So what's the deal with California Barbie over there? I thought she was your friend?"

I sighed. "She is my friend, which is why I have nothing to worry about. It would be like if KC were talking with Ali."

"But Ali has more sense than to dominate your boyfriend at a party. So what's the real deal?"

I turned to face Eli, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but the second my eyes fell onto his, I was, once again, at a loss for words. I smiled shyly and said, "The deal is that Jenna's perfect and I'm not. I know that KC loves me but I can't stop this insecurity I have when it comes to Jenna."

"It's not insecurity, Clare. It's self-preservation. No one would like having another girl macking on her boyfriend, even if said girl claims to be your friend. So how come KC doesn't pick up on that?" Eli wondered out loud, glancing over at KC.

I shook my head and refused to look over to where KC and Jenna were engaged in conversation. "So, Eli? How's your first Degrassi party?"

"Pretty low key from what I was expecting. I've heard that Degrassi parties can get pretty out of hand. This one's okay, but so far I haven't seen a single fight or witnessed a break up," he answered, amusement in his voice.

"Stick around," I muttered. "You could get both before the night's out."

**ELI'S POV:**

I knew that Clare was simply upset, could not picture her fighting anyone or breaking up with KC, but that didn't stop me from hoping.

Instead, I nudged her with my shoulder and offered, "You want a drink?"

"I don't drink," she said. "Never have and probably won't ever."

"Okay then. Not a drinker. Can I get you something without alcohol? Coke?"

She continued to stare at her boyfriend, who was now laughing hysterically at something Jenna had said. Jenna was draping herself so obviously all over KC that even I couldn't help but stare. I knew this had to be hard for Clare, especially after she had tried so hard to look good for KC. I shifted my body so that I was blocking her line of vision and tried my best to take her mind off what was going on in the other room.

"So give me the run-down, Clare. Holly J? Is she really the devil?"

Clare's attention finally shifted back to me and she laughed good naturedly. "Holly J isn't half as mean as she likes to think she is. In fact, she's actually been sort of nice to me this year. The one to watch out for is… Bianca."

As she said this, she turned my body so I was facing Bianca. She stood behind me with her petite hands resting on my shoulders and spoke in a whispered voice into my ear, "Bianca's a vixen. She sees her prey and they're hers, no matter what attachments they may or may not have. Be careful, Eli. She may come after you next."

I smirked, trying to think of something witty to say in response, but all out of my usual clever one-liners. I spun around quickly so Clare's body and mine were pressed close together, our chests within inches of touching. I could feel her warm, sweet breath on my face and tried to steady the quick beating of my heart.

"I can handle Bianca. It's you I'm more worried about."

"Me?" she managed to squeak out.

I nodded. "You. You, who pretend to be so innocent and unassuming. You, who argues over every word I speak in class. You, who makes my blood boil. You, who doesn't deserve to be treated like you don't matter." I lowered my voice for that last comment, wanting Clare to feel the intimacy of the moment, wanting her to realize that this occasion was anything but harmless.

I saw her struggle to take a breath and figured that I had her exactly where I wanted her. But just as I was feeling overly confident about my state with Clare, she backed away from our near embrace and fled to the other room, snuggling up to KC's side and, not once for the rest of the night, looking back at me.


	6. Fire? Pan?

**CLARE'S POV:**

As Ali and I crawled under the heavy covers of her queen sized duvet, we both found ourselves more than a little giddy. She, because Drew had taken the bait of her carefully planned outfit. Me, because I'd spent the night with KC, and because we had shared an intense kiss on Ali's porch before saying our goodbyes for the night.

"Drew was eating out of the palm of my hand," Ali gushed, biting into her bottom lip, as if trying to keep her excitement under control.

I smiled, although Ali wouldn't know since her room was pitch black, save for the sliver of moonlight finding its way through a break in her heavy curtains. "I saw," I responded. "He's definitely interested, Ali. And you two look really good together."

I didn't need light to tell me that Ali was smiling profusely at this statement. After her brief and heartache-ridden relationship with Johnny last year, she really wanted to have a boyfriend who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him.

I felt Ali's weight shift and knew that she was laying on her side, staring at me. "I saw you and Eli in the kitchen. What was that all about?"

I took a deep breath and tried not to remember the words he had spoken to me. Was that flirting? Was he trying to tell me something? I had no clue when it came to the opposite sex, mostly because I had very little experience with guys in general. Before coming to Degrassi, I'd gone to an all-girl's school. Even in my relationship with KC, I still felt very inadequate so I often let him take the lead.

"Clare?" Ali whispered. "Are you asleep?"

"No," I answered, wondering if I should confide in Ali about my confusion.

"If there's something you want to talk about, I'm here for you," she said, as if reading my mind. "I promise that whatever is said between us, stays between us."

After a few moments of restless thought, I rolled to my side, facing her and asked, "Why am I feeling this way?"

"What way?"

"Confused. Scared. Nervous. I don't know."

I heard the covers rustling and then the faint light of Ali's antique lamp filled the room. Ali was sitting up in her bed, leaning against the soft padding of her headboard, looking a little dishevelled.

I eyed her closely. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"I think something's going on between Jenna and KC," she blurted and then covered her mouth as if she hadn't meant for the words to come tumbling out the way they had. She looked at me with sad eyes and said in a small voice, "Sorry."

I sat up slowly. "Why?"

She pursed her lips tightly, as if in thought of how she should proceed. "They were awfully cozy at that football party, Clare. And tonight? I mean, for the longest time, he acted like you weren't even here. She touches him. He touches her. It's more than a little inappropriate. I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt you. I know that you're sensing something that's not quite right in your relationship. I didn't want you to stress over this, especially since I have no real proof."

I nodded my head, but I couldn't quite make sense out of everything she was throwing at me. For one, I didn't want to believe. For another, I couldn't deny that I was having the same kind of thoughts myself.

"I really am sorry, Clare. I could be totally off-base. Maybe it's just that I don't like her. Maybe I'm just reading into all the negative energy I have towards Jenna."

I shook my head. "No. You're probably right. I don't think KC would ever cheat on me. But I think he's probably feeling something for Jenna. What guy wouldn't?"

_Eli wouldn't. Eli doesn't. Eli thinks you're great._

I began to shake my head back and forth, trying desperately to dislodge the random thoughts I kept having about Eli. Ali caught sight of my mania and asked, "What are you doing?"

I stared at her for a moment. She had somehow found the strength to tell me what she was truthfully feeling, so why shouldn't I do the same? "I think about Eli sometimes."

Ali smiled and then tried to hide it. "He's hard not to think about. He's completely cute, Clare, and by the looks of things tonight, I'd say he's more than slightly into you."

I blushed and then hated myself for the light feeling I got in my stomach when I thought about Eli liking me. I didn't need Eli to like me. I needed KC to like me _more_.

"Can we forget about Eli for a second? Can we please focus on how I get KC to stop thinking about Jenna and start remembering me?" I pleaded.

Ali looked at her ceiling and squinted her eyes. "There's one way that's sure to work. But you won't like it."

"What's that?"

She turned to look at me and said plainly, "You can have sex with him."

**ELI'S POV:**

I lay in bed that night, eyes wide open, staring at my white stucco ceiling, thinking about my night. Things had ended poorly. No contact with Clare. No goodbye. Not even a glance. It was like she had shut me out completely and become totally engrossed in her time with KC. I hated that guy!

She had looked amazing. Angelic. Innocent. Beautiful. And there you have it. Without realizing how this had happened, I now knew, without a doubt, that I was falling for Clare, the girl I couldn't possibly ever have.

Out of the pan and into the fire. Crap!


	7. Option 2

**Thanks for the incredible support guys! It's nice to know other people get my ideas and respect them. As a reward, here is another chapter…**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I thought about what Ali had said all weekend. It's not like I never think about sex; I am a teenager. I think about it as much as the average sixteen year old girl. I just have boundaries that I'm not willing to cross. I'm not a saint or anything. I'm just committed to living my life according to the teachings of my faith. Still, I thought about it. A lot.

KC and I have been together for almost a year. We're happy. I think. Okay so maybe we're not all that 'happy'. Truth is, if I have to be completely honest, KC isn't at all happy with the speed of our relationship. We're never really alone, but even when we are, there's not a whole lot of difference to what we do when we're around other people. We kiss. And that's it.

But Ali didn't know everything. She'd messed up royally when it came to her first time. She'd lost it to Johnny in the Ravine of all places and she wasn't even sure if they'd used protection. She'd had sex to hang on to Johnny, but had lost him in the end anyway, mostly because she couldn't stand herself for what she'd done. Did I really want to end up like that, with KC?

I had to talk to someone else. A guy. But who? It's not like I have a lot of guy friends, at least not ones I'm willing to have _this _conversation with.

"Earth to Clare! Am I doing this assignment by myself?"

I snapped back to reality. Reality was Ms. Dawes' English class. Reality was partner-sharing our poetry from last class and discussing ways to make our poems speak with feeling and emotion, to grip our audience's senses. Reality was Eli looking pissed that he'd just read his entire poem and I hadn't heard a single word.

"I'm sorry. Can you read it again?" I asked apologetically.

Eli's dark eyes narrowed and he put his paper down. "What is up with you today? You've been a million miles away all class. Our poems are good, probably the best in the class. We can take the risk and say we did the assignment while we talk about what's really eating you."

I blinked several times. I couldn't talk to Eli about this. Or could I? He was a guy. He was a guy who had no trouble giving his opinion. Maybe Eli was the obvious choice. It's not like he had to know that it was KC and I that I was asking about. I could say that I was curious, for a friend.

"Clare?" his voice sang as he waved a hand in front of my face. "You in there?"

"Do guys care if their girlfriends won't have sex with them?" I blurted.

My face went red and I immediately regretted the words. Eli looked amused and more than slightly interested.

"Okay, so just to be on the safe side here… We're obviously talking about you and your guy, right? But you probably want to pretend like we're actually talking about some other couple, right?"

"Could we please?" I practically begged, still feeling mortified by my outburst. "In fact, let's just drop it altogether, okay?"

Eli reached out and grabbed my hand. He squeezed it slightly and said, "Don't be embarrassed. It's a valid question. You can't ask your boyfriend because he won't give you an honest answer. I will. The answer's yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes. Guys care if they don't get sex from their girlfriends. We have needs and we want them to be met, at least in some way, some of the time. Doesn't mean you always have to do it. But you do have to sometimes or what's the point?"

**ELI'S POV:**

It was then that something went off in my head, an emotional alarm of sorts. Was Clare telling me that her and the tall jock weren't doing the nasty every chance they got? Well maybe this day was just about to get a whole lot better!

"Are you and KC not…?" I couldn't help but ask.

Her cheeks turned scarlet once again, giving me all the answer I needed. So here's the deal: Guys are incredibly turned on by virgins. Really. The thought of being the first to get it in (pardon the pun) is intoxicating and an incredible turn-on. I found myself looking at Clare in a new, even better way than I had before.

But I didn't want Clare to freak out any more than she already was. So I simply said, "It's not a big deal, Clare. Lots of girls don't have sex with their boyfriends, especially in high school. As long as he's getting a little something, he has no reason to complain."

Her face paled and I knew then and there that I was in the presence of a complete virgin. Wow! I didn't know these girls still existed.

So there are virgins; girls who, for some reason or another, choose not to have sex. These girls don't do the deed, but often do a gamut of other things, so their dirty score is still pretty high. But then, and this is a rarity, especially in public high schools, there are the complete virgins. These are girls who do nothing. They might kiss and hold hands, but that's it. No fondling, no dry humping and definitely no action below the equator. Could this possibly be my Clare?

"Let's just forget this whole conversation. Please? And then I can pretend like I don't know you and we never have to speak again. Okay?"

I laughed lightly. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Clare. You have morals. That's not such a bad thing."

She looked around the class, making sure that we were alone in our conversation. Then she leaned forward and whispered, "I have physical morals, but mentally, I'm probably dirtier than Bianca."

I smiled wide and licked my lips. I wanted to kiss her right then and there. I wanted to lay her across the desks we were working at and show her just what she was missing. Instead, I responded with, "We all have dirty thoughts, Clare. That just makes you normal. But why is it that you don't act on your thoughts?"

"I have convictions, religious ones. And I think that if I cross one barrier, the other ones will just come crumbling down too. I don't want to lose myself, my values. I also don't want to lose my boyfriend."

"So you think that he's upset that you and he don't do 'stuff'? And you think that's why he's been hanging around Jenna?" I interjected.

"It's pretty obvious, isn't it?" she questioned, her eyes downcast. "Jenna would do things that I'm not willing to do."

"So what exactly are we talking about here, Clare?" I pushed, knowing that this would back her into a corner, but curious as to what she was really asking me. "You wanna break up with jock boy or…?"

"I shouldn't be talking about this with you," she said, jumbling her words together as she was talking so quickly.

"If not me, then who?"

"I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend."

"Then it looks like we're talking about option number two."


	8. The Proposal

**So I know that this story is causing some questions about Eli and Clare. This chapter will answer some of them and the chapter after this will clear it all up. Please be patient. I know it seems strange, but the idea is taking a solid form and will be sure not to let you all down. Enjoy!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I knew just what Eli was insinuating and wanted to squash that thought from his dirty little mind immediately. What kind of girl did he think I was?

"I am not having sex with KC!" I spat, surprised at my ability to have such candour with a virtual stranger. Why was I discussing this with Eli anyway? "Subject is closed!"

I spun around in my seat, turning my back on him. But the truth is that I wasn't as angry with Eli as I was with myself. I shouldn't have even begun this conversation. It wasn't right. Eli was someone I'd known for all of two seconds and here I was confessing my deepest, darkest sexual secrets to him? How much more stupid could I possibly be?

"So you don't want to break up with KC, but you also don't want to have sex with him?" Eli asked quietly, as though I hadn't just ended our conversation. He paused and just when I got to thinking that he'd given up trying to break through my wall of silence, he whispered, "Well there's always option number 3."

Dammit! Sorry God, but it was necessary. Eli had just made my curiosity awaken and, try as I may to ignore it, I couldn't. I turned back around, slowly, using my subtle body language to let Eli know that I wasn't a willing participant in this topic we were discussing.

His eyes smiled wickedly, knowing that he'd bested me and was enjoying every minute of his victory. He licked his lips and said, "Option number 3 is not one that most people even know exists in this particular situation, but it may be effective here."

"Oh will you stop talking like a scientist and just get to the point," I lashed out.

His eyes grew wide and he looked affronted at my snap. "Easy there, Blue Eyes. I thought you'd closed this conversation anyway?"

He was teasing me, dragging this out with his own personal means of torture. I leaned closer to him and softened my voice. "Eli? Eli, will you please tell me what you're thinking?"

"Now that takes all the fun out of it. You don't play fair. I'm a sucker for a girl that begs."

I shot him another annoyed look and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to get the hint that I was less than impressed with the line he'd just fed me.

**ELI'S POV:**

I loved this! Playing around with Clare was the most fun way I could think of to spend forty minutes of boring old English class. I wasn't even sure where I came up with half of the shit that came out of my mouth, but somehow, I'd come up with this ingenious plan. Clare thought I knew so much, but the truth was, aside from Julia, my level of knowledge on the opposite sex was pretty limited. Not that I was about to admit that to the one person who wanted to use me as her own personal sounding board for her sexual issues.

"Okay, enough playing around. Let's get right to the issue here. You want to hold onto KC, but you absolutely don't want to have sex with him, right?"

Clare nodded her head, her cheeks in full colour again. I wanted to rest my cool hand on one of those cheeks and soothe away all of her insecurities and embarrassment. But that was not going along with the plan that was slowly beginning to unfurl in the deep recesses of my mind.

I leaned closer to Clare and asked, "Why can't you just step up your game a bit?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I have no game? That's the problem here, Eli. Where have you been through this whole conversation?" she asked me, frustration all over her pretty face.

"So get a game, Edwards," I pushed. "Give KC a little action."

She sighed. "If I do _that_ who's to say that it won't get carried away and out the window goes my morals?"

I couldn't believe that she was this innocent. It was like she'd just come out of the nunnery and all hell was going to break loose if she loosened a button on her blouse!

"You seem to have a pretty good hold on your convictions, Clare. Have a little faith in yourself."

"That's because I don't put myself into these situations. I haven't even kissed KC while we're horizontal. And with the way that my mind's been working lately, that might be all it will take for me to cross that line," she admitted.

I'm not a believer in God. I'm not exactly an atheist. I'm more undecided is all. But at this very minute, I found myself wishing to God that this wonderful girl could be mine one day. And maybe putting my plan into action would get me that wish. But was it really fair to Clare? _You'll never know where any of this will lead if you don't at least try. Here goes nothing…_

"I think that I can help you, Edwards."

"How?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know how cars have an acceleration rate? I mean, a car can't go from 0 to 60 in a flash, right? They need a time period to build up to that fast speed. Maybe you need an acceleration rate too."

"I'm not following you at all," Clare admitted, shrugging and shaking her head.

"Racers practice on a dummy car, did you know that? They know that if they take out their number one car, they may blow the engine and then where would they be? You need a dummy car, someone to practice building up your resistance on, someone that you don't care about like you care about KC."

"You want me to do _that_ with someone other than my boyfriend? No way!"

"I know what it sounds like, Clare, but it might be what you need to save your relationship with KC. You want to give him more, right? But you're scared that once you start doing all of this new stuff with him, you won't be able to stop. You know that KC won't stop, because he's a guy and he wants you. So learning to do this stuff with someone you're not attracted to might help you to build up that resistance. Then, when you're with KC, it's not a big deal. He's happy and satisfied. You're happy and satisfied. Your relationship is secure. And, most importantly, you keep your virtue. Seems like a brilliant idea to me."

I watched her mull it over and found it hard not to smile. She was actually buying this crap? _I am so much better than I give myself credit for! _

"But who would be willing to do this without expecting something more from me?" she asked.

And here was the clincher. Clare had no idea that my devious mind was doing cartwheels of victory right now. She had no clue that I had set this all up for a reason. Well, seems like now's as good a time as any to fill her in.

"I would."


	9. I'm In

**Okay well here's another chapter. It kind of explains where Eli is coming from in wanting to help Clare out with this dilemma she has. Enjoy!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

"Wait a minute! Back up the train here! Did you just say what I think you just said?" I asked, disbelief dripping from my every word.

He lowered the lids of his eyes in a way that would make most guys look silly. On Eli, it looked mysterious and dangerously sexy. This simple look made his offer seem even more perverse.

"Eli! I can't do that! I can't do that _with you_!" I exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

"Why not?" he inquired. "You're in love with your boyfriend. I'm not interested in having anything more than a friendship with you. If I can help, why shouldn't I?"

I didn't know why, but this statement made me feel sad. _I'm not interested in having anything more than a friendship with you._ "This whole thing is ridiculous!" I said stubbornly, trying to ignore the feelings I was having.

He shrugged. He looked at the clock at the back of the room and began to pack up his binder and books. "You think about it, Edwards. Let me know."

I watched him walk out of the classroom just as the loud bell clanged, not sure what I should be feeling. What he was suggesting was absolutely against everything I stood for. But I couldn't ignore the fact that Eli had made a point; I couldn't test my limits with KC. I liked him too much. I wanted to be with him too much. I'd dreamed of being with him too much. No, if I was in that situation with KC, I wouldn't be able to control myself. That much I was sure of.

As I began to pack up my belongings, a thought struck me full force. _And what makes you think it'll be any different with Eli?_

**ELI'S POV:**

As I walked out of the classroom, I was unable to hide my smile of satisfaction. Clare had taken the bait. Sure, I hadn't secured my position as her "coach", but it was only a matter of time. At least I'd put the idea into her head. The rest was up to her.

"What's with the smile?" Adam asked, as we met up at our lockers, which happened to be beside each other. "English class that good?"

I shrugged, not sure if confiding in Adam was the best way to go with this. He would probably think I was being sleezy, which I was, when it came right down to it. But it was the best way I knew to get Clare away from KC and to spend more time with me. Quality time. Make out time!

I opened my locker and tossed in my English binder, grabbing my History one in exchange. I closed my locker and looked at Adam. "If I tell you something, can you promise not to get all judgmental and disgusted?"

"Disgusted? What have you done?" he asked.

I leaned back on my locker and avoided meeting Adam's eyes. "I found a way to spend some time with Clare."

Adam's face broke into a wide grin. "I knew you liked her."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't 'like' her. I am infatuated with her. It's been a long time since I've felt anything for any girl, not since Julia. So excuse me for taking things slowly."

Adam made a serious face and narrowed his eyes. "So how are you spending all this time with Clare? Project?"

"Even better. Now before you judge me, remember that I never claimed to be a great guy or anything," I warned. "Clare came to me asking for sex advice."

Adam's eyes grew wide. "Really? Clare?"

I nodded. "Seems like KC's had some wandering eyes as of late and Clare's been taking notice. She's worried that if KC doesn't get some more action he'll find that action somewhere else."

"Slime. Girls should have the right to decide not to have sex before marriage. Guys should respect that."

"Adam. Just for future reference here, guys don't want to wait, no matter how much they like the girl. Some guys do because they love and respect the girl. But they don't like it."

"Oh," was all Adam said.

"Anyway. Clare's worried that if she and KC step it up a bit, she'll lose all control and find herself in a compromising situation. So I offered to help her."

"By…?"

I made a face, sure that this was going to sound a lot worse than it actually was. "By helping her build up her resistance."

"And how are you planning to do that?"

I raised a knowing eyebrow and Adam hauled off and whacked me square in the bicep.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed.

"You're even slimier than KC!" Adam chastised. "You can't do this, Eli. You like her! She'll never say yes to this anyway."

"She's halfway there, Adam. And Clare doesn't think I like her."

"How could she not, if you're suggesting that she ought to make out with you?"

I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I told her that I only like her as a friend. I said I wasn't interested in her."

Adam shook his head. "Why don't you just tell her you like her?"

"Because she's with KC. If I tell her that I'm interested, it will only scare her away and she'll probably never talk to me again. I can't risk that. I like her too much, Adam."

"So how do you think this twisted little scenario will play out?" Adam asked, finding his History textbook and closing his own locker.

"With any luck, Clare will realize that what we have is much better than whatever she's attempting to hold onto with KC."

"And what if that doesn't happen? Making out with Clare is your consolation prize?"

"You can save your disdain for someone else, Adam. It's the best I've come up with. Maybe it won't take much anyway. Clare's confused enough that maybe just spending time with me will make her realize that we'd be good together," I suggested.

"Yeah and maybe I'll grow a pair tonight if I wish really hard!"

**CLARE'S POV:**

Ali's wide grin spoke volumes about what she thought of the whole situation. "Ali!" I squeaked. "You're supposed to be helping me here!"

She giggled. "I have no idea how you get yourself into these situations! Eli Goldsworthy is one of the sexiest guys at this school, Clare! And he wants to spend his free time making out with you, with no strings attached! This is so not a problem."

"Hello? KC?"

Ali's face turned serious. "Right. Look, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Clare. KC is not worth you feeling uncomfortable. But maybe you should just see what Eli's got in mind. It might work."

I rolled my eyes. Eli had admitted that he wasn't attracted to me. He wanted to help me as a friend. But what kind of friend offers to teach you sex stuff so you don't have to practice on your boyfriend? Maybe Eli had some kind of ulterior motive?

"Do you think you could do stuff with him? Kiss him and let him touch you and stuff?" Ali asked, heaving her book bag higher on her shoulder as we walked home from school that night.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. He's nice. I like him. We get along well. But the stuff we'd be doing? Could I really? And isn't that cheating?"

"Well technically it is, but do you think KC will complain when he's getting more action too?" Ali put in.

I thought about being with KC and couldn't help but smile. I wanted that, I really did. I wanted to be close with KC, to kiss him, to have him touch me without feeling scared of how far things might go. I thought about my latest, most intense dream.

KC and I were alone in his room, his mother was at work, and we started out studying, side-by-side on his twin bed. Then, KC suggested we take a break and we were kissing. He laid me down on his bed and covered me with his body. It was so real I could literally feel his weight on top of me. And I couldn't deny how incredible it had felt when KC made a move to unbutton my top and I hadn't even flinched, allowing him access to my bare flesh.

"So?" Ali pushed, waking me from my daydream. "What are you gonna do?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I thought about the dream. I thought about KC, laughing with Jenna in the hallway today. I knew what I had to do if I wanted to keep my relationship with KC.

"I'm going to tell Eli that I'm in."


	10. Enter If You Dare

**Just to draw things out a bit more, here's a filler chapter. Just as a side note, in this story, Eli is not a hoarder. While I really like this storyline in the show, it just won't work for my story, so… Enjoy!**

**ELI'S POV:**

I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I made the indecent proposition to 'help' Clare. I know that I was hoping she would take me up on my offer, no matter how inappropriate it was. I wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to show her that some guys thought she was fantastic so matter what she willing or not willing to do. Some guys would treat her the way she ought to be treated. Okay, so not just 'some guys'. Me.

So when Clare messaged me to tell me that she thought my idea was worth testing out, I was over the moon. I knew deep down that she had messaged me so she wouldn't have to tell me that she wanted to try the plan out face to face. But the fact that she was nervous and shy about everything made me like her even more. It was endearing to see a girl with virtue. Endearing, but oh so challenging…

We made quick plans to meet up at my house, where we would put everything into action. And that pretty much brings us to the present time.

So, I'm here, in my room, fussing over the wrinkles in my black and silver comforter, wanting everything to be perfect so Clare feels completely at ease. I know that this is probably the last place Clare thinks she wants to be. For now anyway. But that can, that _will_ change.

"Been a long time since you've had a girl in your room," came the amused voice of my mother.

I looked up, through my open doorway, and met CeCe's eyes. I shrugged. I'd told my parents that Clare was coming over to study. I hadn't offered any other information. But it didn't take a genius to figure out that this was the first girl to even be mentioned since Julia.

"Should I be worried?" CeCe asked, raising an eyebrow. "Anything I need to know?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

She walked into my room, tentatively since she and the Bull were pretty adamant about me having my own personal space and doing with it whatever I felt I needed to in order to make it my own. She smiled at me as she ran a hand over a wrinkle on my bedspread, before sitting down gently.

"I'm happy that Degrassi is working out for you, Eli," she began. "Adam seems nice and Sav too. I haven't heard about Clare since today though. She must be a pretty great girl."

I couldn't help but smile crookedly, thinking of just how great a girl Clare really was. I imagined her meeting CeCe and the Bull, and her reaction to my less than conventional family tree. She would probably think they were crazy, but they would absolutely adore her.

"I take it from that smile of yours that Clare's special?"

I sniffed and tried to appear vague and uninterested. "She's okay, just a girl from my English class. You don't mind her coming here, do you?"

I already knew the answer, but asking was simply a way to put the ball back in my mother's court. My parents have always maintained an open door policy when it comes to friends. No matter what the situation, if I think enough of that person to want to invite them into my home, then my parents will be accepting of them too.

She rose from my bed and took a deep breath, stretching her long arms above her head. "This is just the mother in me coming out here, Baby Boy, but be careful, okay? You haven't so much as looked at another girl, not since Julia. I'm sure Clare is lovely, but take things slow, okay?"

She eyed my bed, the bed that I'd been fussing over, and winked. I laughed lightly, nodding my head so she knew that her message had been received loud and clear. As she walked out of my room, I stared intently at my bed. I could almost see Clare there. And she fit just perfectly.

**CLARE'S POV:**

I didn't allow my nerves to kick into full force until I was standing on Eli's front step, palms moist and my breath catching in my throat so much I almost couldn't breathe. I had no idea what to expect and that was what was probably killing me the most. Uncertainty is not a welcome guest for me. I like to know exactly what is going to happen at any given moment. But, given the present nature of my parent's relationship and how things are going between KC and I, I'm getting a lot more used to the unexpected; used to it, but still unaccepting of it.

"Clare," came Eli's voice, as he opened his front door.

I smiled, hoping that the way I was feeling was not what was coming across on my face right now. Right now I was terrified, nervous beyond belief, wanting to flee this whole scene for the safety of my childish, pink wall-papered bedroom. I was entering this house as an innocent, but what my status would be as I left it, was completely up in the air.

But Eli was waiting, holding his door open, and offering me entrance. I paused for one more minute, trying to will myself to walk away from this debacle. I knew that was what I should have done. God would have wanted me to walk away. But in the end, my curiosity for the unknown and my uncertainty of things with KC got the better of me, and I stepped forward until I was standing in Eli's entrance and he was closing the door behind me.


	11. Hopeless or Horny?

**Sorry for the delay folks, but this chapter should be sure to satisfy your Eclare wishes! I hope you enjoy and please, please review!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I'm not entirely sure just what I was expecting to find within the confines of Eli's domain. Black walls, skulls, crossbones? I definitely figured his home would be a reflection of him. It was kind of the exact opposite.

Eli's mom, who insisted I call her CeCe, was a tall bottle-blonde woman, with hair that was probably still hanging on to the 80's. But she was nice, really nice. She hugged me and welcomed me into her home. She offered to feed me. Sure, her attitude and clothing suggested that she was a much more liberal mom, but her demeanour was like that of any other mother.

CeCe wasn't clad all in black. She wore a pink and brown short dress with brown leggings underneath. Her feet were bare as she padded around the linoleum-floored kitchen. And she was singing under her breath, a Kesha song if memory serves me. Either way, I liked her.

And the home? Eli's house was cozy and welcoming. There were scented candles burning, so that the aroma of vanilla filled the air. There was a fire burning in the electric fireplace and pictures of Eli as a small child filled the mantle above it. In fact, the only black in the room came from the large screen television that hung just above the mantle. The couches were leather and cream-coloured. The floor was a light hardwood. The house had an open floor-plan, so you came in the front entrance and were immediately privy to everything happening in the living room, dining room and kitchen.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched CeCe pouring milk into glasses for Eli and I. She added what looked like homemade cookies to a tray and winked at me.

"Chocolate chunk are Eli's favourite," she said sheepishly. "But I bet you already know that, Clare."

I could feel myself blushing as I clued in to her subtle comment. She was under the impression that there was more to my being here than just friendship. _So I guess she's not far off the mark._

Eli took the tray of milk and cookies from his mom, flashed her an indignant, but amused look, and pointed to the staircase with a nod of his head. "My room's the one on the right."

As I climbed the stairs, I couldn't help but tense up. Meeting CeCe had definitely put me at ease, but that feeling was gone now. Eli and I were climbing the stairs to his bedroom, and the real reason for my presence here was rearing its ugly head.

I stood in front of Eli's open door and peered inside, as if taking a step over the threshold would result in a huge shift in the world's gravitational pull. Or maybe just in my meagre existence.

What I found there, shocked me even more. Sure, his walls were grey, his bed covered in a black comforter, but the rest of his room was pretty normal. There was no sign of death or teen angst, aside from a few posters for some controversial recording artists and authors that hung on his walls.

Eli brushed past me, walking into the room and placing the tray of goodies on his desk. He turned to face me, his face once again smirking, as he waved his hand around the room. "Not what you were expecting?"

I hated that he could always read me so easily. I walked in and looked around. "I guess I would be lying if I said that I wasn't expecting at least one sign of devil worship."

"Devil worship? I'm Lutheran."

I laughed. "Really?"

He nodded his head and took a cookie from the metal tray. Biting into it he grinned playfully. "CeCe and I have a bit of a difference of opinion when it comes to God, but she tries. And sometimes, when I'm feeling especially good natured, I even accompany her to church. Are you shocked?"

I knew that he was teasing me so I simply shrugged and continued my perusal of his bedroom. He continued to munch on his cookie, not minding how incredibly intrusive I was being. When I was finished, I simply sat on the end of his bed.

"Done?" he asked.

"Done what?"

"Done checking out my fortress of solitude?"

I grinned and rose to steal a cookie from the tray. I nibbled it nervously, knowing that pretty soon we were going to get down to business, so to speak. Eli continued to eye me as he left his place by the desk, to walk over and close his bedroom door. It felt like bricks hitting the pit of my stomach as I heard the click of his door being locked.

_I guess it's now or never…_

**ELI'S POV:**

I saw her body jump when the sound of my bedroom door locking echoed through the room. I turned toward her and cocked an eyebrow. I nodded my head toward the bed, just to see if she would take the bait. Her eyes grew large and I saw her swallow. I smiled, enjoying every minute of this.

I sat down on my bed and once again called her over with a shake of my head. Once again, she remained where she was. This time, I raised my hand and called her over with my index finger.

"Um, maybe we should just…talk," she suggested.

"But you're not here to talk, Clare," I reminded. "If you wanna talk, go spend some time with your boyfriend."

I saw her sigh and knew that I was being a jerk. The truth was that it was easier to be a jerk than it was to tell her that I was just as nervous as and a hell of a lot more excited than she was.

But Clare hoisted herself away from the edge of my desk and walked over to sit beside me on my bed. She was obviously determined to use this to her advantage. And so was I.

**CLARE'S POV:**

I had to do this. No matter how awkward I was feeling, to leave now would be a step in the wrong direction. I tried to picture what it would be like to have my first make out session with KC, how pleasantly surprised he'd be. With that image in my mind, I sat down beside Eli.

"So, um, how does this work exactly?" I asked.

"However we want it to. What would you like, Clare? You wanna take things nice and slow or kick it all the way up to high gear?"

I stood up, having determined by Eli's last statement that this was so not going to work out. I wanted to flee the room, leave Eli's house, and maybe, just maybe, never talk to him again. But he reached out a warm hand and grasped mine tightly.

"Don't go," he whispered.

And just like that, I was putty, sinking back down onto Eli's bed, turning my big, blue eyes to his. I closed my eyes, just as an attempt to steady the beating of my own heart, but when my eyes opened, my heart, once again, began to race. Eli's face was inching closer to mine, his pouty lips parted slightly. There was no sign of amusement. But what was that look exactly? Desire?

And then our lips were touching, softly at first and then as we became more adept at the meshing of our lips, the kiss deepened, becoming more intense. And, surprising to both of us, it was me, not Eli, who took the kiss further, grazing my tongue along his bottom lip, until his lips parted, allowing my tongue entry to his warm, inviting mouth.

Our bodies fused together so naturally, it was almost perfect. Our chests pressed together, Eli's arms came around my back, staying low, but not intrusive. My own arms reached up to tangle in Eli's dark locks. I'd kissed KC in this way, but this kiss still felt different. I found myself actually groaning in satisfaction.

Eli's lips left mine, leaving me feeling cold, until I felt them take a place on my neck, just below my ear. A shudder of enjoyment went through my body when he whispered huskily in my ear, "I want you so bad right now."

I didn't have time to respond, to even think about what I would say. Eli's lips left my neck and he sat up straight, staring at me intensely. He licked his lips and ordered, "Lay down," in a commanding, yet soft voice.

I obeyed, wanting nothing more than to feel Eli's weight on top of me, his kisses gracing my body once again. I closed my eyes and waited, savouring the sweet anticipation. But nothing happened…

**ELI'S POV:**

Okay, well I'd be lying if I said that I didn't at least entertain the idea of taking advantage of Clare's present state. But in the end, I chose the high road.

"Clare, sit up," I said softly.

Her eyes, which had been closed, as she waited for me to make my move, fluttered open. She stared at my ceiling for the briefest moment, before sitting up slowly. "What did I do?"

Her question held such an innocence, I almost wanted to kiss her just to assure her that she was perfect and nothing she could ever do would be wrong. Instead, I took hold of her hands in mine, using my thumb to rub soft, slow circles.

"I said that I wanted you. What exactly did you think I meant by that?" I asked her.

"That you wanted to keep kissing me?"

I smiled at her and shook my head. "No Clare. If a guy says he wants you when you're kissing, it means that he wants to have sex with you."

"You want to have sex with me?" she asked, her blue eyes growing wider by the second.

"Are you offering?" I teased, cocking an eyebrow.

"No!" she shouted. Then, more softly, she stated, "No."

"I didn't think so. Okay, so let's review. I kissed you. You immediately brought it to the next level by sticking your tongue in my mouth." She blushed at my no-nonsense statement. "So if I'm KC and you do that, I figure that you want things to go faster. I tell you that I want you. I tell you to lay down and in less than two minutes, you're on your back. Now I'm thinking that I've got you right where I want you. Understand?"

Clare's eyes stared and all of a sudden she looked like she was going to cry. "See?" she shouted again. "I'm hopeless!"

I smirked. "You're not hopeless. You're horny."

Her face scrunched in disgust. "That's a gross word."

"Okay. You're 'sexually aroused'," I said, making my voice deep. "Come on, Clare. For once, especially in this situation, can we remember that you're a teenager? Drop the prudish attitude and call a spade a spade. If I had wanted to, we'd be doing the deed right now."

She never argued that accusation. So I kept our conversation going. "I'm going to kiss you again, Clare. This time, you remember that you have made a sacred vow with Christ that you will not have sex before marriage. Let me decide on the pace we go, but find your voice when you sense that I'm trying to lead you in another direction, okay?"

She nodded and I leaned in, but before our lips could touch, she placed a finger over my waiting lips. "Can you at least tell me if I'm a good kisser or not?"

I smiled. She was the best kisser I'd ever had. And the truth was that I did want her. Bad. But how could I answer her question without giving myself away? I took a deep breath and planted my familiar smirk on my face. "You're decent, but I hardly think that I can make a decision based on just one kiss."

_Nice one, Eli_, I praised myself. _Keep this up and she'll be eating out of your hand in no time!_


	12. Conversation

**Sorry it's been a bit since I last updated. Hope you enjoy this chapter. And for all of you who like to know where things are going, be sure to read the next chapter. Problems for Clare and KC? And how are Jenna and Eli involved?**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I had to give it to Eli, his plan was working marvellously. KC had just left my house, more than a little satisfied, and I was feeling, in a word, powerful. And here's how the whole thing played out…

"_I don't get why we have to do a character sketch for each character. Frank's the only one with any real purpose to the story," KC complained as we did our homework._

_KC was planted on my brown and red plush carpet, which covered a great expanse of my bedroom's deep hardwood floor. I was perched on my bed, supposedly engrossed in Chapter 3 of a novel for Ms. Dawes' class. In truth, I couldn't stop thinking about how to make my move._

"_Clare?" KC asked. "Clare? Clare!"_

"_Huh?" I stumbled, finally realizing that KC was talking to me. "What did I miss?"_

_KC made a face. "The last five minutes of conversation that I was apparently having with myself. What's up with you tonight? You're acting really strange."_

"_Strange? Like how?" I questioned._

"_Like asking me over on a Tuesday night. Like inviting me up to your room when we always study at the kitchen table. Like not listening to a word that I've spoken all night. Is everything okay?"_

_I smiled. It was now or never. I took a deep breath and straightened my shirt. KC was staring at me like I'd suddenly grown an extra head or something. Before losing my cool I slid down off my bed so that I was now on the floor, sitting tentatively beside a curious-looking KC._

"_Clare?" he asked, giving me another odd look._

_Before I had the chance to lose my nerve, I threw myself at his body, planting my lips onto his in a crushing, passionate kiss. I let my lips tell KC just how happy I was to be with him, delving my tongue deep into his mouth, awakening his own tongue, as they danced together in perfect harmony. My hands wandered through his hair massaging his scalp, bringing my body as close to his as was humanly possible._

_When we finally pulled apart, KC looked surprised, but in a completely good way. I smiled shyly at him, before climbing onto his lap, straddling him, as I continued to weave magic with my lips and tongue. I pulled away for a moment, savouring in the control I had over my boyfriend before returning, this time focused on kissing a trail from his chin to the sensitive area on his neck. I'd never been this adventurous before. I usually always let KC take the reins when we kissed, but this, this was all me!_

_I did exactly as Eli had told me to do; I let KC's hands wander a bit, over top of my clothes, but made it completely clear that this was not going to go as far as he wanted it to. Not that KC had any complaints. He left my house, goofy smile firmly attached, in a daze, and I was totally happy with how the night had gone._

So it was natural that right after making out with my boyfriend, I wanted to call another guy, right? Well I wanted to talk to Eli, to thank him, to tell him that everything went even better than I had hoped, to hear his voice…

**ELI'S POV:**

It wasn't that I wasn't happy for Clare, because I was. Maybe. Okay, not at all. But I played it off like I was. And I told myself that her calling me was a good sign. She was happy with how things had gone with KC and who was the first person she thought of to call? Me!

Crap! Does this mean that I'm , like, her girlfriend? Crap!

So maybe that's why I told Clare we had to get together tomorrow night, to make sure that we kept up the momentum we had started. In actuality I'm pretty sure I just wanted to kiss her again, to convince her that my lips were a hell of a lot more adept at making her feel like a woman than KC's were. But Clare didn't need to know that.

**CLARE'S POV:**

"Eli?" I panted. "Eli? I think I heard someone coming up the stairs."

Eli continued kissing a trail of warmth from my neck down to my cleavage, as I bit into my bottom lip.

"Eli! What if your parents come in?" I hissed.

He lifted his head and looked at me with dazed eyes. "My door's locked, Clare. If you want to stop, we can."

I looked at him. We had been working on pushing limits this time and I hated to admit it, even to myself, but we were having fun. Eli had undone three of the buttons on my shirt, praised me about my cleavage and then showed me just how great it could feel to have a guy's lips on my body, in a place other than my mouth. And I was savouring each intense, passionate moment.

But I'm a realist. The truth was that I hadn't heard a single noise coming from Eli's stairs, or anywhere in his house for that matter. Eli had some music playing softly in the background, so the chances of me hearing anything would be slim too. It wasn't the odds of Eli's parents discovering our lurid acts within his room that had me freaked. It was the way Eli's kisses had effect over me. It was the fact that I was enjoying myself way more than I should have been.

"Clare?" came Eli's impatient voice and it was then that I realized Eli was still staring at me, waiting for a reply to his question. "Do you want to stop?"

_No._ That was my first thought. _Maybe you should, to be on the safe side._ That was my logic talking. _Stop and get the hell out of this place!_ That was the fear, rising up in me and making me go against what my body really wanted.

"Clare?" Eli asked, his voice sounding singsong.

"Sorry," I finally answered. Eli was still hovering over top of me, his lower half nestled snuggly against my body, his legs entwined with mine. "I guess I'm just a little nervous."

"Well you certainly weren't acting that way a minute ago," he joked, smirking fully.

I felt my cheeks redden and realized that Eli's eyes were now resting on my chest, bringing me around to the fact that my shirt was still unbuttoned. I brought my hand up to cover my exposed flesh and Eli looked amused.

"So I take it that we're done here?" Eli asked, sitting back on his haunches and looking more than a little disappointed.

I sat up slightly and leaned back on my elbows, forgetting that I was still in a state of undress. "Maybe we could just talk for bit?"

Eli smiled wide. "Talking sounds cool. But do you think you could button your shirt back up. I get easily distracted."

**ELI'S POV:**

Clare stayed at my house for a bit and we talked, I mean really talked, and it felt good. I discovered that Clare's parents were going through a messy separation and using her as some kind of pawn in their fighting. She was feeling sad for the breaking down of her usually tight family unit, but more than a little eager to have it over and done with. I told her that I thought it must be tough to not even feel at ease in your own home. She said that no one got that fact except me and she was thankful for my insight.

So I told her about my old school, leaving out the information about Julia of course, and how I missed my old friends and liberal code of conduct. She asked me why I left and I skirted around the issue as much as I could without downright lying.

I wanted to open up, to tell her about Julia and that whole scenario, but I knew that I couldn't. Clare was new to my life and I couldn't take the risk of showing all of my cards this early in the game. Things were going well and I didn't want to lose what little we were gaining. After all, making out was one thing, but engaged in meaningful conversation was another thing entirely. If Clare felt that I was someone she could talk to, maybe she'd start to see me in a new light. At least that's what I needed to tell myself…


	13. All Hell Breaks Loose

**Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews. As promised, here is the KC/Clare fight that many of you have been waiting for. I hope it proves to be what you were all expecting. And just for everyone's information, this will not be the end of KC in this story. Drama ensues! Please review!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

Chatting with Eli had been nice. It was comfortable and I certainly hadn't felt that emotion in a very long while, even in my own home. It was easy to talk to Eli and I found myself sharing private information that I hadn't shared with even KC or Ali. I didn't want people to know about things at home. When your parents, the people who are supposed to love and support each other throughout their entire lives (or at least yours) decide that they no longer want to even be in the same room, it's kind of embarrassing, even more so when you're the family who believes in God and His teachings; especially those teachings about marriage.

So I was feeling more than a little happy, and maybe even slightly light-hearted, as I walked to my Science class the next morning. Maybe that was why I forgot my textbook in my locker and was sent to go retrieve it by my less-than-impressed teacher. I wandered the halls, taking a different route so that I could avoid having to go past Mr. Simpson's office. The last thing I wanted was the principal asking me why I was in the hallway when I should have been in class.

I rounded the corner and stopped dead in my tracks. There were only two other people in that hallway, my boyfriend and my supposed friend, Jenna, although the status of both of these relationships was presently up in the air. Jenna was leaning against a locker as KC towered over her, one hand sitting possessively on her thin waist, the other playing with a strand of her long, blond locks. I watched in horror as he leaned down and kissed her softly. I blinked several times, sure that this nightmare would end shortly and I would wake up in my warm bed, my body covered in sweat from the dread this dream was bringing to both my body and my mind.

Instead, when my eyes opened and focused on the scene ahead of me, KC and Jenna were both staring in my direction. I bit hard into my lower lip, trying not to cry, until there the faint metallic taste of blood present in my mouth. I gave one last look at my betrayers, turned and began to walk in the opposite direction.

I could hear KC calling my name, but I kept on walking, until I felt his arm take hold of my wrist. I spun around, raising my hand at the exact same time and using every bit of my meagre strength to slap him across his stunned face.

He looked at me with shock in his eyes. "I guess I deserved that. Clare, I'm sorry."

"Don't," I spit out. "Don't you dare apologize, because it doesn't mean a thing. I knew it! I knew there was something going on between the two of you. I was stupid to think that I could trust you!"

"Clare. I don't even know what to say. This wasn't how I wanted you to find out."

I shook my head, willing my tear ducts not to give way to the tears that were hiding just under the surface. No matter what, I did not want this smug bastard to see me cry.

I swallowed and stared at him. "If you didn't want to be with me, why didn't you just break up with me? Why did you have to go behind my back? And why _her_? She wouldn't even have a single friend at this school if it wasn't for me."

KC shrugged and I wanted to hit him again. He shook his head. "I don't know, Clare. I mean, things weren't going so well for us. But things have been getting so much better lately. I was actually trying to end things with Jenna right now."

I chuckled. "Is that what that was, you ending things?"

"Like I said, I never meant for you to see that."

It was then that I clued in to what he'd been saying earlier. Things had been getting better between us, but only because we were now moving forward with a physical relationship. This had nothing to do with love or respect. KC wanted action, which he was obviously getting from Jenna. I couldn't stop myself from smacking him across the face yet again.

"Ow!" he shouted, having been caught completely off guard. He'd been expecting the first strike, but the second was so uncharacteristic of Good Girl Clare. "What the hell?"

I laughed bitterly. "You've been enjoying our newfound 'relationship', huh?"

He smiled widely. "I have and I don't want to lose that."

I licked my lips. "Well that's too bad. I don't do that with cheaters! And, just so you know, everything we did these past few weeks, well, let's just say you weren't the first to lay those tiles, KC."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"I was good at doing those things for a reason, KC. I practiced. On someone else!"

His eyes narrowed and he stared down at me. Then he smiled. "Come on, Clare. You don't have it in you."

I knew my eyes were glittering with mischief as I responded to KC's allegation. "Believe what you want, but I think you know the real truth, deep down."

"With who?" he ground out, his teeth clenched in anger.

"Eli," I spat. "And he's ten times the kisser you could ever hope to be."

KC stomped away. I breathed and didn't even realize that I was crying until the tears began to wet the front of my shirt. I walked down the hall, found my locker, got my stuff, and left the school, heading toward my home. I'd never skipped school before, but I also didn't want the entire student body to see my inevitable mental breakdown.

**ELI'S POV:**

"I don't know, Adam. Maybe you should just bite the bullet and ask Fiona out," I suggested, fully aware as he was giving me a look, that I was the one needing to heed my own advice. I rolled my eyes at Adam and chuckled, digging into my locker for my English book.

"Eli?"

"Yeah," I answered, not recognizing the voice. I stood up and looked over, only to see KC standing before me.

I didn't even have the chance to say a thing. KC's fist found my jaw seconds later as my body flew into the lockers.

"What the hell was that for?" I asked, trying to steady myself so I could at least try to fight back.

"How about that was for sleeping with my girlfriend?" he offered.

A crowd was growing around the two of us, your typical high school students who loved to see someone kicking someone else's ass. The last thing I wanted was for half the student body to think that Clare Edwards wasn't as pure as she appeared.

"I didn't sleep with Clare," I responded.

"Maybe you didn't sleep with her, but you sure as hell tried, didn't you?" KC asked, grabbing my shirt with his huge fist, the other one primed and ready to beat me into oblivion.

I shook my head. "I don't know what you're talking about. Clare and I are just friends."

"She told me!" he shouted. "She told me that before her and I… She said that you were the warm up to everything we did. Still gonna deny it, emo boy?"

The first thought that went through my head was: _Why Clare? Why?_ The second thought was: _please don't let this idiot break my nose or my jaw_. And then I was lying on the floor, KC's fist having connected viciously with my right eye. Adam and Sav were suddenly there, trying to help me to my feet, but my head was spinning and I knew that if I got up, I was only going to go down again. _Might as well save myself more embarrassment and stay right where I am…_


	14. Old Habits Die Hard

**Thanks to all fans who have given such wonderful reviews for this story. I know that you're eagerly awaiting Eclare's moment, but all good stories make you wait. Here's some teasers for you. Enjoy!**

**ELI'S POV:**

I stomped my way up the front steps of Clare's house with purpose and a bit of anger. My lip was split, the blood having finally stopped flowing, and my eye was already bruising, but luckily it wasn't swelling yet. Either way, I was pissed, mostly at KC, but also at Clare who had given me no warning.

Clare answered her door and I gave her no time to speak. "A bit of notice when you plan to sell me out would be nice, Clare."

I walked past her, not waiting for an invitation into her home. I walked straight into the living room, having never been here before, but figuring the floor plan to be pretty simply laid out. I sat down on her couch and waited for my apology.

But it wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be.

"I'm sorry, Eli," she stated simply.

It was then that I noticed her red, puffy eyes, her nose slightly pink from being dabbed with the Kleenex in her hand. She was dressed in sweats, her hair pushed back from her face with a headband. She was a mess. A beautiful mess.

I got to my feet and approached her. "What's wrong?"

"Isn't it obvious by now?" she asked with a hint of sarcasm. She walked out of the room. I followed her into the kitchen, watching her digging around in her freezer and coming out with a few cubes of ice. She placed them into a towel and handed it to me before sitting down at the table.

"I'm not following."

She rolled her eyes at me and sighed. "Why would KC kick your ass if everything was okay between us?"

I narrowed my eyes. "For the record," I began, holding up a finger as my other hand pressed the cold ice to my sore eye. "KC sucker-punched me. Twice. Had the playing field been equal, he'd look a hell of a lot worse than this. So he dumped you when you told him about us?"

She licked her lips and I saw a batch of fresh tears brewing under her heavy-lidded eyes. She shook her head.

"What am I missing here?" I asked, feeling completely confused by all of this. Clare was giving me bits of information here and there, but nothing to help me connect the dots. "If you didn't tell KC about us, how did he find out?"

"I did tell him."

"I figured you had some attack of conscience or something. Sorry that it backfired."

She sighed again and shifted so her feet were tucked up under her bottom on the chair. "I didn't tell him out of guilt, Eli. I told him out of anger and hurt."

"Dammit! What did he do?" I inquired, readying myself for the ass-kicking I would have to give the jerk if he had hurt her in any way.

Her tears spilled over and I sat, helplessly, watching her try to compose herself. When she was finally able to take a deep breath, she explained. "I caught him. With Jenna."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I had wanted this, but seeing the look, the pain written all over Clare's face, had me wishing that this hadn't happened to her. Clare was tough, but she was also delicate and could be hurt easily. This was going to crush her.

I reached out my hand, until I felt her small, dainty fingers in mine, and squeezed, letting her know that I couldn't take away her pain, but that I was here for her. She looked up at me and smiled weakly.

"For what it's worth, KC's obviously not that bright. To leave you for someone significantly less just proves that. And do you really want to be with someone that dumb?"

I was trying to make her laugh and it worked, if not fully, at least partially. Clare snickered, but I could tell that her heart wasn't really into it. Her face became serious again and she looked off into the distance.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She turned to face me completely and asked, "What am I lacking?"

"Lacking?"

"I have to be missing something. I was giving him what he wanted. I was giving him more, but still it wasn't enough. So maybe it's not sex. Maybe it's me. Maybe _I'm_ what was wrong in our relationship."

I shook my head slowly. "No. It's not you, Clare. It could never be you. You are amazing. You are smart and kind and beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have you. KC's an idiot and by the look of my battered face, I'd say he finally realizes that."

Clare smiled at me and I felt my heart drop, like how your stomach feels when an elevator drops from one floor to the next. She leaned in to hug me and I willingly pressed my body to hers, not ever wanting to let go. I breathed in the scent of her and closed my eyes. She was special and I wanted her. With this thought in my head, when Clare pulled back, I kissed her.

**CLARE'S POV:**

Eli's kiss was familiar, but this one was much gentler than any we had exchanged previously. All those other times had been with purpose, but that purpose was gone now. With this realization, I pushed Eli off of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

His eyes narrowed. "It's not like we haven't kissed before."

"But that was different. We were working toward helping me with the KC situation. KC's not around anymore. So we can stop pretending."

I stared at him. What was that look that passed across his face? It almost looked like disappointment, maybe even hurt. But that wasn't possible. Eli didn't like me. Those were his exact words.

He nodded his head and got to his feet. "You're right. Sorry. Old habits die hard. But I guess we're pretty much done here, right? You don't need me anymore?"

His voice took on a hint of anger and I wondered if I was just imagining it or if he was actually upset with me. He gave me one last look before heading for my front door.

"Eli?" I asked, wanting to resolve whatever confusion I was feeling right now. I did not need to be worried about my friendship with Eli, while also mourning the loss of my relationship with KC.

He turned to look at me, sadly, before smiling slightly. "It was a trip, Edwards. But it looks like the trip's over. See ya around."

When Eli was gone, I stood, staring at my front door for at least fifteen minutes. I couldn't understand why, but I was feeling so incredibly sad at that moment, and my heart was telling me that it had nothing at all to do with KC.


	15. Back to Square One

**ELI'S POV:**

It felt awful to walk away from Clare's house that day. Worse than awful. I thought in my experiences that I had learned a thing or two, but apparently I'd learned nothing at all. Walking away from problems without resolving them first can make for some pretty big regrets. I knew what it was like to wish for time back, for situations to be relived. So why was I letting myself go through that again?

Adam came over that night to play video games. We'd been sitting in my room, engrossed in Grand Theft Auto, when the subject of Clare finally reared its ugly head. The walls in my room seemed to close in, the space feeling much more confined.

"So what did you say to Clare about your face?" Adam asked, his hands pressing buttons with lightning-quick speed.

I shrugged, pretending that the whole thing was nothing but a blip on my radar. "I gave her shit for telling KC about it without giving me notice first."

"So how is the whole Clare-KC thing anyway?"

"Done. KC's been sneaking around with Jenna. Clare found them and told KC about us."

This fact garnered Adam's full attention. He paused the game with a flick of his index finger and turned toward me. "So telling KC about the two of you was, like, her revenge?"

"Guess so," I replied.

"Huh," he muttered.

"What?" I asked, giving him my complete attention. What was going on in that twisted head of his now?

He looked like he was in deep thought for what felt like the longest time before he finally answered my question. "Maybe Clare has something for you too."

The fact that Adam used the word 'too' was not lost on me. I wasn't going to admit to much, but Adam and Sav both knew that I was harbouring some major feelings for Clare. We just never broached the subject and that way I could pretend like my secret was still tucked safely away in the confines of my own brain. What I was more interested in at the present moment was why Adam felt like Clare might be returning my feelings.

"Nope," I muttered. "She doesn't. Trust me."

"So she told KC that the two of you have been messing around, right? But she probably didn't tell him that there was a supposed purpose to the two of you doing that stuff. I think maybe Clare sees things for what they really are now. I think that maybe Clare knows that there's more going on between the two of you than just some odd arrangement."

I wanted to believe this, but thinking back on how Clare had reacted to our last kiss, I couldn't deny that she had been pretty clear that things between us were now at a standstill.

"Clare catches KC cheating and lashes back with a confession of her own indiscretions. She doesn't tell him that you too are just friends. She tells him that the two of you have been going at it like rabbits for the past few weeks. So," he paused. "Are you gonna make your move finally?"

I smirked. "Can I start by telling you that Clare and I never went 'at it' like 'rabbits'? We made out, a bit, and nothing more. I didn't even touch any of her fun parts. Well, none of her lower fun parts that is."

Adam smiled grew wide. "Clare's got a nice rack for sure."

I slugged him, hard, on the upper arm and gave him a nasty look. "Don't talk about Clare that way. Don't look at Clare that way. Don't even think about Clare that way. Got it?"

He rubbed his arm and said, "Fine. Protective much?"

"Anyway, as I was saying. Clare and I had fun together, but it's pretty obvious that those fun times are over now. The best I can hope for right now is to just be friends, and that may even be a stretch."

"But if you told her how you feel, she might be feeling the same way. You'll never know if you don't try."

I sighed. "I did."

"What?"

I grit my teeth, hating to admit this, even to Adam. "I kissed her. I kissed her and she rejected me. She told me that we used to kiss for a certain reason, but now that reason is gone, so therefore, there is no reason for our lips to meet again. End of story."

"Dude, sorry. That blows. You're not gonna give up that easily though, right?"

I laughed. I didn't know how to answer this question. I'd never really had to pursue a girl before. Julia had asked me out. But the chase could be fun. The question was, did I really want to work that hard to get Clare? Did I have it in me to break out the romantic Eli for someone who may end up rejecting me in the long run? Hearts are delicate things and mine was still mending. Clare could end up crushing my already fragile heart and then where would I be? Right back to square one.

**CLARE'S POV:**

"I don't know why I didn't see it before," I said quietly, as Ali sat, silently painting my toenails.

"You loved him. Love can blind us to reality. You wanted to believe the best in KC and in Jenna. I knew that girl was no good. Tell me how we're going to ruin her?" Ali asked enthusiastically.

I shook my head. Revenge was the last thing on my mind right now. Sure, I thought about how good it would be to completely freeze out Jenna, but she would still have her little Power Squad friends to fall back on. And KC.

"I've decided to take the high road," I muttered, filing my index nail. "Making Jenna miserable is not going to make me feel any better. It won't change the fact that KC and I are over, or that KC wants to be with Jenna instead of me. Besides, I have other things to be more worried about."

"Like?" Ali asked, raising a curious brow at me.

"I had a fight with Eli," I admitted sheepishly. When Ali's facial expression urged me to go on, I stated, "KC punched Eli. Eli came over to yell at me for telling KC that he and I had been messing around. But something happened and our signals got crossed and now I think we're fighting."

"Your signals got crossed?" she asked, her lips turning up into a smile.

"Eli and I were hugging. He was comforting me. And then when we pulled away from each other, Eli kissed me. I freaked out and said that we shouldn't be kissing anymore since KC and I are no longer together. Eli looked sort of…"

"Angry?" Ali suggested.

"Hurt," I answered. "He looked upset that I had rejected him and then he walked out of my house. I think he's mad. This whole thing seems like I was just using him to get what I needed."

"Isn't that what you were doing?"

I shrugged. Sure, I had been using Eli. At first. But things were so very different now. Different how? I wasn't sure, but I felt like my heart was trying to tell me something that my head was too stupid to realize.


	16. Dead Sister?

**Sorry for the delay, but this chapter should make you Eclare lovers happy. I hope you enjoy!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

It was two weeks later and I was feeling more miserable than I could ever remember feeling in my entire life. To start, my home life had gone from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. My father had officially moved out, securing a small two bedroom apartment across town. I went over once, to help him settle in when he first got the place, but that had been awkward at best. I knew what was expected of me, as the "good" daughter; they wanted me to split my time (and apparently my things) between my two new homes. To me it just felt like I no longer had a home base, no security, no safe zone.

Then there was the whole KC and Jenna thing. When I first caught the two together, KC had told me that he was trying to end things with Jenna. Well that wasn't at all the case apparently. Once our relationship officially ended, KC felt free to flaunt his newfound love for Jenna. They walked around school like their being together wasn't a constant slap across my face, like it was perfectly normal and acceptable. Neither cared that my heart was breaking, that seeing them holding hands as they walked the halls of school didn't feel like a knife in my back.

And this isn't even the worst of it. Eli was punishing me for turning him away the day I broke up with KC. We hadn't talked at all and he barely even looked at me when we passed each other in the halls or sat near each other in English class. All I knew was that it hurt, worse than my parents impending divorce or my breakup with KC. Not talking to Eli, not being around him, felt like torture.

Ali spent the majority of her time with Drew, in the throes of new love. I couldn't fault her for that, especially when I couldn't quite bring myself to admit the real reason why I missed Eli so much. But, at night, when there was no one else around, I allowed myself to remember the times Eli and I had spent in his room, on his bed, wrapped in each other's arms. His lips still felt fresh on mine, the memory bittersweet.

So I made the decision to face my fears and just go to Eli, to tell him just how I was feeling, whatever that feeling may or may not be. I had to try, right? After spending so much time in a relationship that was clearly flawed, didn't I owe it to myself to at least try this?

I took a deep breath and reached out a shaky hand, my index finger pressing Eli's doorbell before I had the chance to run away out of fear. I heard Eli's voice call, "I got it!" and felt my heart flutter. It had been so long since I'd heard it that it made me miss him even more.

The door flung open and there he stood, dressed casually in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. I know it sounds funny, but somehow he looked more built, more muscular, more delicious, and I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms and feel them close around me.

"Hi," I said nervously.

He gave me a curious look, but smiled nonetheless. "Hi?"

I returned his smile and shrugged slightly. "I was in the neighbourhood?"

He laughed lightly and opened the door more, sweeping his arm aside, inviting me into his entryway as if no time had gone by at all. I stepped inside and was greeted almost immediately by a giant hug from CeCe.

"Honey!" she exclaimed. "It's been pretty bleak around here lately. We've missed you, Clare!"

I nodded my head, returning her hug while meeting Eli's amused eyes over CeCe's shoulder. When we pulled apart she smiled warmly at me, still holding onto my hand and grabbing Eli's hand.

"I have to head out for a bit, to, um, grab a few, groceries. You two gonna be okay here by yourselves?" she asked, winking at Eli.

I tried to hide my smile, as I gazed at Eli, who was shaking his head at his mother. "I think we'll manage, CeCe. Have a good time at the grocery store?"

It was pretty obvious that she was leaving to give us a chance to be alone, and I was actually thankful for that gesture. I just wanted Eli and I to have the opportunity to talk and hopefully work out a few kinks in our relationship. If I left this house with Eli back as my friend I would be plenty happy. Of course, what I really wanted was for Eli to tell me that he had missed me as much as I had missed him, but I knew that I shouldn't get my hopes up just in case.

**ELI'S POV:**

Seeing Clare standing at my door was like the small miracle I had hoped for had finally come to fruition. I had missed her like crazy but couldn't tell her that until she came to the realization she was feeling the same way about me. And now here she was, looking as beautiful as ever.

When my mother made her ridiculously obvious exit, I began to climb my stairs, heading to my bedroom where we could be alone, not checking to make sure that Clare was following, but knowing that she would. We got to my room and I let her enter first, closing the door when I was inside as well.

"So?" I started.

She licked her lips nervously and I thought that I would come completely undone at such an innocent, sensual gesture. _Wow! I got it so bad for this girl!_

"I've noticed that you haven't been talking to me," she stated simply.

I shrugged. "You haven't talked to me either."

Her cheeks coloured and I could tell that this wasn't the response she had hoped for.

"I missed you," she blurted.

Finally! She was finally giving me the honest reason why she had showed up at my house. This was a step in the right direction and I intended to take full advantage to this! I took a light step in her direction. She smiled slightly, and took a step toward me. We played this game until we were standing right in front of each other, practically touching, our eyes never leaving each other.

"I missed you too," I whispered huskily, wondering how I was managing to hold back from kissing her luscious lips another second.

Clare bit into her bottom lip and I worried she would pull away from this game we were playing. Instead, she reached out, took hold of my neck, and with one forceful tug, brought my face to hers. Before our lips met, I heard her whisper, "I promise to be gentle."

And then we were kissing. These kisses were nothing like the one we'd already shared. KC had been a wedge between us then, no matter how close we thought we were getting. That was gone now and we could finally be free with each other. It was very liberating, especially for Clare, who acted like she'd never get enough of me.

We tumbled onto my bed, where I braced myself above her waiting body, running my fingers through her flirty tresses, wishing I could bury myself in those locks, embracing their perfumed essence. I explored Clare's mouth and neck, never wanting this to end.

After waiting the appropriate time, my hand wandered to the top buttons on Clare's top, working my nimble fingers quickly so she didn't have the chance to argue. I would draw a line, eventually, but this was definitely not it.

Clare's hand stilled mine when she touched me lightly. I lifted my head, dazed from our love fest. "You okay?"

She smiled and sighed. "I can't. You know that, right?"

I smirked and sat back on my haunches. I straightened my t-shirt. "I know. And I'm okay with it, Clare. Really. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't at least push the envelope a bit. Wanna watch a movie or something instead?"

She nodded her head. I got off the bed and jogged down the stairs to retrieve a movie for us to watch on my television. When I came back into my room, she was standing at my desk, looking at the picture of Julia that I kept on a small shelf just above it.

She turned to face me and asked, "Who's the girl?"

_Well this was not how I saw this playing out. Julia. Crap!_

I have no idea why this happened, but I found myself lying through my teeth to this girl, the first girl I'd liked this much, the first girl that I wanted to be with more than I'd even wanted to be with Julia. "That's my sister, Julia. She died."


	17. Dig Your Own Grave

**Wow! Lots of you liked that Clare and Eli got together, but I sense a lot of anger over making Eli a liar! I need you to trust that this is paramount to the story. Drama must ensue for a good story to be better, right? I hope that you enjoy!**

**ELI'S POV:**

_What are you doing?_ The answer, in short, was that I had clearly lost my mind. Why would I be lying to Clare, now, when things were going so obviously well? I had no idea. All I knew was that I was not about to go back on my story, as I quickly tried to change the subject.

"You want Robin Hood, the Kevin Costner version or the Russell Crowe version?" I asked, holding both movies up.

Clare turned her attention back to the picture of Julia. "You two look nothing alike," she commented. "How did she die?"

I sniffed, wanting to go back in time and remove that picture from its current location. How had I been so stupid to leave it out in full view? The subject was bound to come up as soon as Clare laid her beautiful blues on it. But then again, I hadn't expected Clare to show up at my door, much less to be in my room.

"You don't have to talk about it," I heard Clare whisper, approaching me tentatively. "It's really none of my business anyway."

I looked into her sad eyes and smiled weakly. "I'd like to think it's at least some of your business, especially now, don't you think?"

She smiled wide and I knew that the subject of Julia was over as I leaned forward and kissed her lips gently. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close, wishing I had met her first, before the whole mess with Julia had even happened. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine sharing the awkward firsts of first love with Clare, instead of with Julia. It would have been perfect. If only…

**CLARE'S POV:**

"So you're together?" Ali asked, her smile widening brilliantly. "Like dating?"

I nodded my head, not being able to stop my own smile and the blush that appeared on my cheeks from giving away my excitement over the change in mine and Eli's relationship status. I wanted this so much, it surprised even me. This morning, upon entering the school, I was met with the image of KC and Jenna canoodling by the windows in the front entrance. Normally this would have hindered my entire day, but today, it hadn't hurt quite so much. In fact, I actually found myself wishing the two well, in my head of course, as I wasn't quite ready to let them know my newfound feelings of forgiveness.

Ali hugged me, awakening me from my daytime reverie. "I am so happy for you, Clare. I think we should plan a double date. You and Eli. Me and Drew. It would be perfect!"

"Let's just ease into this, okay?"

Ali nodded, but I could tell that this would be tops on her list of things to arrange. I shook my head at her, but chuckled just the same. I rolled my eyes in her direction and noticed Eli enter the cafeteria over the top of Ali's head. He was looking around, as if searching for something until his eyes locked onto mine and then he smiled, strutting over to where Ali and I were sitting.

"Hey Blue Eyes," he drawled, sauntering up to our table and pulling a chair up tight to mine. He sat down, kissing my cheek gently and acknowledging Ali with a nod of his head. "How was your morning?"

I shrugged. "Okay. You weren't in English class."

"Slept in. I had such a hard time getting to sleep last night. Any idea why?"

He was raising an eyebrow and smirking at me, teasing me into a solid, red blush, but I loved every minute of this feeling. Eli and I had always had a comfortable banter, but this, being able to openly flirt with each other, was like no other feeling. My stomach fluttered and I couldn't help but smile at this guy who had me in knots from a simple sentence.

"Okay, well, I guess that's my cue to get lost," Ali stated, getting to her feet. "Eli. Clare, think about my offer, okay?"

When Ali had walked off, Eli looked at me and asked, "Offer?"

"Ali wants to double with her and Drew. I told her maybe, but to give us some time."

"Time? To do what exactly?" he asked.

I shook my head at him and kissed his lips softly. "Again with the double meanings? You think up this stuff ahead of time?"

"Just comes to me. What can I say? I've got talent. But I can do the double date thing if that's what you'd like to do. Kind of thought we could do a 'just us' date first though, specifically, this Friday night. Chuck Palahniuk is doing a reading of some unpublished Fight Club excerpts. The Bull got some very rare tickets. Two actually. You wanna come with me?"

"Fight Club is not really my thing, but I do like some of his other works. And the company is pretty intriguing. Okay. I'm in," I answered, trying not to show how excited I really was.

Eli leaned in and kissed me fully, his hands resting on my cheeks, making me forget that we were in the middle of the school cafeteria, with a couple hundred onlookers. Eli had this effect on me.

Suddenly we heard the clearing of a throat and reluctantly pulled apart to be faced by a smiling Adam. "I take it you two kids kissed and made up? Literally."

We smiled at each other and Eli gave Adam a look. I got to my feet and gathered my things. "I should go. Adam would you make sure that this one gets to his afternoon classes at least?"

Adam nodded and I gave Eli one last kiss before floating out of the cafeteria.

**ELI'S POV:**

"Well that looked promising," Adam commented dryly. "I take it that things are good in Eli/Clare land?"

I smiled. "Got a date this weekend."

Adam stretched his fist across the table and I tried not to laugh out loud as I hit his fist with mine. Sometimes I forgot just how new this whole guy thing was with Adam.

"So KC's out of the picture? I guess your plan actually worked. Gotta say that I'm slightly impressed. It's almost like you knew what you were doing."

_Except now I've gone and fucked up again. And this time, things are going to blow up for sure._

"If you got everything you want, why do you still look unhappy?" Adam questioned, munching on a carrot stick.

"No reason."

Adam snapped his fingers in front of my face, gaining my full attention. "What did you do now?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Adam."

He looked at me pointedly. "You did something, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

"Well what did you do? Oh my God! Did you deflower Clare?" Adam hissed.

I looked around the cafeteria, making sure that Adam's outburst hadn't been heard by others. I gave him a look and shook my head. "No! Who'd be bummed about that? I lied to her."

Adam shrugged. "And? Who doesn't lie sometimes?"

"I lied about Julia. She saw her picture in my room and asked who she was. I lied."

"What did you tell her?"

I cracked my knuckles and answered in a quiet voice, "I told her that Julia was my dead sister."

Adam's jaw actually dropped and I knew that I was about to get it from him good. I waited for my verbal punishment, but it never came. Adam simply shook his head and held his hands up in surrender.

"What?" I asked, not sure that this was the reaction I'd been expecting.

"You just dug your own grave, man."


	18. Go Get Your Man

**Story is pretty soon reaching its ending, so here's some more for you. Enjoy!**

**ELI'S POV:**

I wouldn't know just how true Adam's words were until everything blew up in my face. Unfortunately I didn't have to wait very long for that to happen. The night of Clare's and my first date was supposed to be the start of something great. However, it turned out to be the beginning of the end.

Since Clare's mom was on hyper-mom alert now that her marriage was officially ending, Clare and I had agreed to meet at my house and go on our date from there. Adam and I had been bamboozled into helping out Sav with some of his school presidential duties. We met at four, but decided we couldn't do much on empty stomachs, so we ventured to The Dot for burgers and fries. By the time we actually began our task, it was well after five and we didn't finish until well after seven thirty. I knew that Clare would be sitting at my house, probably trying her best not to blush as CeCe and the Bull bombarded her with one inappropriate question after the other. This thought made me drive even quicker to my house.

I flew through my front door and spotted Clare sitting on my couch, her small hands sitting primly in her lap. CeCe and the Bull were nowhere to be found. Thank God for small miracles.

"Hey," I greeted, walking toward her. "Sorry. Sav roped Adam and I into helping out with the fundraiser stuff for next week. Just give me five minutes and we can leave. The reading doesn't start till nine anyway, so we're all good."

"Are we?" she asked, stopping me dead in my tracks.

Call it intuition or simple logic, but I froze, knowing exactly what was going on here. Clare knew. I didn't know how, but I was perceptive enough to know that she had found out. I turned to face her, my heart already aching from the pain it was about to endure.

The look in her eyes was worse than any ass-kicking I could ever get. She was hurt. I had done that. Man, I hated myself at this moment.

"Clare."

She got to her feet and approached me slowly. When she was close enough to feel her sweet breath on my face, she said, "Have fun at the reading."

I stood, watching Clare walk out my front door, wanting to follow her, but feeling as if my feet were glued to the floor. I needed to go after her, so why was I still standing here, like some mannequin idiot?

"Eli?" came CeCe's voice from behind me.

I spun to see my mother, her face looking beyond worried. So this was where Clare had learned my secret. My own mother?

"You need to sit down so we can talk, Eli," she demanded.

I looked at the door one last time before obeying my mother's orders. CeCe very rarely enforced her parental control tactics, so I knew that this was important. Besides, if I was ever going to work things out with Clare, I needed to know exactly what my mother had told her. Praying that it wasn't everything, I sat down and turned my attention to CeCe.

"You lied to her, Eli," she began, her judgment so heavy it hung between us. "Clare's special, honey. And you lied to her."

"I don't know what to say. I just didn't want to face things. Not with Clare. I don't want to have to explain my role in Julia's death. Clare may never look at me the same again. I can't. I just, I just want it to be different with her."

My mom looked so sad all of a sudden I felt the warmth leave my body completely. She shook her head and took hold of one of my hands. "Lying to someone is never the way, Eli. Your dad and I have raised you a little on the unorthodox side, but we've always tried to teach you right from wrong. What did you think Clare would do when she found out the truth? She's already been lied to, Eli. And now you've done the same thing. Clare may not forgive this. And I'm worried that if she doesn't, you'll have lost all the progress you've made."

**CLARE'S POV:**

I didn't know what I was feeling, but whatever it was, it was the worst feeling I'd ever experienced. I'd been so excited for mine and Eli's first date. It was supposed to be the beginning of something magical. It was supposed to be a night I'd tell my children about. Instead, it was humiliating and heartbreaking. Thanks a lot, Eli!

I started to walk to my house, knowing that my mother would have tons of questions as to why I was home so early when I was supposed to be out with Ali and some girls from school. My mother would suffocate me and then I would begin to cry, my frustration and hurt coming through the well-thought out wall I was busy constructing when I was at home. Wanting to avoid this crazy confrontation, I decided not to be in such a rush to get home.

I wandered the streets, somehow ending up in front of The Dot. I shrugged. Things always seemed somewhat better when you were eating greasy foods and chasing them down with a thick, chocolate milkshake.

"Clare!" came Peter's greeting as I walked in the door. "You all alone?"

"Party of one right here," I muttered, misery seeping from my every word.

Peter, a good friend since his brief relationship with my sister, Darcy, nodded his head in understanding and offered, "Bring you the regular?"

I smiled weakly and took a solitary seat in the far corner of the restaurant. I sighed heavily, thinking how I had wanted to spend this evening. Eli and I would have gone to the reading, grabbed a bite to eat after and then kissed in the front seat of Morty while we were parked a few blocks away from my house. And now this…

"Clare?"

I looked up at the familiar voice and rolled my eyes. Could this night get any worse?

"What do you want, KC?"

He pursed his lips together tightly and sat down at the other chair, resting his hands on the top of the table. "How are you?"

I narrowed my eyes, deciding that I didn't want to be nice Clare tonight. "Just freaking peachy!"

KC looked shocked by my response, but smiled lightly, letting me know that he wasn't about to leave my company just yet. "I think I deserved that."

I grinned sarcastically. "What you deserve I can't say in public."

He nodded his head. "Are you here alone?"

"You see anyone else?"

"No. I just thought that you were with that Eli guy. You're dating now, right?" he intruded.

I wiped the palm of my hand across the table and wondered how I should respond to this question. I wanted KC to think that I was fine without him, but clearly I wasn't. I had, once again, chosen the wrong guy.

"It's really none of my business, I know, but I can't help it. I still care about you. I still want you to be happy."

I looked across the table and realized that KC wasn't the monster I wanted him to be. He was decent and kind and I still loved him. He just wasn't the one for me. He would probably make Jenna very happy. But no matter how much losing him had hurt, I didn't really want him anyway. I wanted Eli. I wanted the feelings I had when we were together. I wanted the boy who listened to my problems and offered silly solutions that were only partially realistic, but that always made me laugh. So what was I doing here, chatting it up with KC?

"Please don't take this the wrong way, KC, but I have to go, okay?" I said, getting to my feet. I bent down and kissed his cheek. "I really do hope that you and Jenna are happy together. And as payment for breaking my heart, you can pay for the burger and milkshake that Peter's bringing out right now, okay? Thanks!"


	19. The Truth Comes Out

**Sorry for the extremely long delay. Only two more chapters left and I will post them both together so you can read the long-anticipated ending to this story! I hope you like!**

**ELI'S POV:**

Seeing Clare on my doorstep felt so much better than any feeling I can ever remember having. I had been in such a dark place before this moment, spending those few hours in my room, wishing I could turn back the clock and do so many things differently, but knowing that this was impossible. Clare was gone from my life, and I only had myself to blame.

But now, a ray of hope was beaming down upon me. Could she be here to forgive me? Or maybe she was just here to tear another strip out of me and tell me how worthless I was. Either way, it was good to see her pretty face.

"I'd like to come in," she announced quietly, her eyes downcast and sad.

I moved to allow her entrance and then followed her up my stairs, realizing that this conversation was going to be something if it required the solace and intimacy of my bedroom. _Please let her forgive me. Please. I will do just about anything to have Clare back in my life._

We entered my room and Clare sat down on my bed. She didn't look comfortable so I chose to sit in the chair positioned at my desk rather than add to her nervousness by my close proximity. I waited for her to speak, wondering if it should be me that took the reins on this one. Would it be completely asinine of me to throw myself at her feet and beg?

"I need you to explain why you felt like you had to lie about Julia," she said, her voice still no more than a whisper.

I sighed heavily, knowing that this was my one and only chance. If I closed myself off again, Clare would be out of my life forever and I just couldn't risk it. So I prepared myself for the inevitable shock that would be written all over her beautiful face when she finally learned the truth.

I cleared my throat. "Julia was my girlfriend. She died and I pretty much killed her."

Clare's face remained stoic and it was me who was shocked, not her. Most people tried not to act surprised at this statement, but failed miserably. Clare didn't have to try; she obviously knew that there was more to this story than I had yet to share.

"Go on," she pushed.

I swallowed. "Julia and I were only fourteen when we started dating. She was my first girlfriend and probably the first girl I was ever really into. I thought that her being dark and mysterious was exciting. But then I got a glimpse into her real life and found out that there was nothing exciting about it.

"Julia's home life was pretty bad. Her dad was stationed overseas and that left her step-mom to do most of the caretaking, except, she wasn't that type of woman. She drank a lot and was mean to Julia. I was young and thought I could be some kind of hero. So, I asked my parents if Julia could stay with us. CeCe and the Bull, being CeCe and the Bull, welcomed her into our home."

"So she stayed with you?" Clare asked.

"Not just in my house, Clare. She lived in my room, with me."

I watched this idea register on Clare's face, her cheeks reddening, and hated that this was causing her embarrassment.

"The thing is that fourteen year olds aren't supposed to live together. There's a reason for that. She was always here. I had no escape from her, ever. Everyone needs some sort of safe place where they can be alone. I didn't have that. And Julia, well, she wasn't exactly, nice."

"What?" Clare asked, confusion written all over her face.

"She used me. She used things that we did together to get me to do things for her," I said, seeing that Clare had no idea where I was going with this. "I was fourteen, Clare. I was just excited that someone was willing to have sex with me on a pretty regular basis. So I did whatever she wanted me to do. I was… whipped. And I was extremely unhappy."

"So why didn't you just break up with her?" she asked.

I smiled lightly and shifted in my chair. "Because if we broke up, then I was also asking her to leave my house and sending her back to the hell hole she came from. I didn't want that on my conscience. But I also didn't really want to be with her. So I did something really stupid."

Clare sighed heavily. "What did you do?"

"I cheated on her," I confessed, meeting her eyes and hoping that she could see my utter regret written there.

"And she found out."

I shook my head. "Nope."

"You told her?" Clare asked, her eyes getting wider.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, running a hand through my dark hair. "Not my finest moment. We were having a fight, which was becoming more and more typical. We both said some really mean things, things you shouldn't say to someone that you care about. We were young and stupid and when she told me that I'd never get another girl to even look at me, I just, just snapped. I yelled at her and told her that I'd been with someone else. I said some stupid shit about realizing that there was something better out there for me and that it wasn't her."

"What happened?"

I didn't want to cry, because I'd shed enough tears over this situation, but Clare was the first person I'd told the entire story to and I wanted so badly for her to see that I was sorry for it all and that if I could go back, I'd change every bit of it. I'd have handled this like a man instead of a scared little boy. Tears welled up in my eyes, making my vision foggy.

I sniffed. "Julia got on her bike and took off from my house. I should have went after her, but I didn't. I remember feeling this sense of relief, because I was pretty sure that it was over and that's all I really wanted. I was feeling good and she was getting hit by a car and struggling for her last breath."

I broke down completely, bending over and letting the tears drop onto my carpet. I didn't even realize that Clare had moved until she was right in front of me, holding my shaking body. I looked up at her and she pulled me in closer.

"I'm just so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted some space. I didn't want her to, to die," I wailed.

"Shh," Clare soothed. "It's not your fault, Eli. You couldn't have known. And you were just a confused kid. None of this is your fault."

I sniffed again and pulled away just a bit, so I could see her face. "I thought that if you knew the real truth that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm just as bad as KC."

Clare smiled in her angelic way and took my hands in hers. "You had your reasons for being an ass back then and KC has his reasons for being an ass now. But what kind of world would this be if we couldn't find it in ourselves to forgive?"

"So you forgive me?" I asked, hopeful that she would say yes.

She nodded. "I understand that your lie came from a good place. It doesn't mean I'm not still mad that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. But I do understand. But I wasn't talking about me forgiving you. I was talking about you forgiving yourself. It's time, Eli. You need to put this all to rest or it'll eat you up. If you're ever going to move forward, you need to realize that none of this was your fault and stop blaming yourself for Julia's death."

I took another deep breath and ran a hand across my damp eyes. "The funny thing is that I was starting to do that, because of you. I always thought that I could have stopped what happened to Julia if I just worked harder at our relationship. Then I met you and I knew that what Julia and I had was no relationship. We didn't care about each other the way couples should. I should have been stronger and more honest with Julia. But I have learned from my mistakes." Clare raised an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'm learning from my mistakes. I won't lie to you again, Clare. I promise."

She smiled up at me and I slid off the chair I was on, joining her on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I kissed her softly before confessing, "I'm thankful for you, Clare. You're probably the best thing that's ever come into my life and I don't want to lose you."

She leaned in to kiss me again. When we pulled away she smiled crookedly and, with a glint in her eye, asked, "You don't think you can get rid of me that easily, do you?"


	20. Staying The Same

**Well this is it folks! The last chapter. My next story will be slightly different, but still an Eclare, so please keep watch for it. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!**

**CLARE'S POV:**

I stretched my arms above my head and sighed happily, pulling the blankets up over my chest. This was the way to spend a lazy day for sure, in bed, sleepy, but happy.

I watched Eli stir and placed a small kiss on his shoulder. He rolled over fully, smiling at me as his arms came around my waist, pulling my body close to his.

"Morning, beautiful," he said, burying his face in my hair. "Sleep well?"

"Like a baby," I purred.

Eli released my body and hoisted himself up onto his elbow, staring down at my face. "After the way we just spent last night, the word baby shouldn't be uttered, get my drift?"

I giggled and placed my hands on my taut stomach. "Too soon?"

Eli raised a brow. "Not funny, Edwards!"

"You do realize that now you can't call me Edwards anymore, right?"

Eli grinned widely and tickled my side, watching as I squirmed helplessly. When I had calmed down, he rolled on top of me and pinned my body with the weight of his own. "Have I told you how much I absolutely love you?"

"Not today."

"Well then, Blue Eyes, I love you even more than I did yesterday."

My eyes glittered and I leaned up to kiss his waiting mouth. When I pulled away I asked, "Is that because I finally let you have your way with me?"

Eli smiled crookedly. "Really? Me have my way with you? Were you there last night? Because I am pretty sure that if anyone was having their way last night, it was you. I always knew that good little Christian girls are the wildest in bed, but even I was shocked by your behaviour!"

I knew that he was teasing, but I loved every minute of it. Our banter has always made us the couple we are.

"Let's just be honest here. You have been trying to get me in the sack since the moment we met."

Eli sat back on his haunches, his legs still pinning me to the bed. He held his hands up in surrender. "I was simply trying to help you. To teach you the ropes. There was nothing sordid about it."

"And I thought that if I got some practice I'd be a better girlfriend," I reminisced. "How silly I was back then, huh?"

"Hey, I have no complaints!" Eli joked. "If it hadn't been for you wanting to change yourself, we would never have gotten to where we are now."

"And all I really had to realize was that I didn't need to change at all. I just needed to be who I was and remember that."

"Sometimes changing means staying the same. Needless to say, I am happy with how the whole situation turned out," Eli announced.

"Really?" I asked. "You wouldn't have wanted anything to be different?"

Eli glanced around our fancy motel room, taking in the flowers and half-burned candles. His gaze, once again, fell on me. I loved how he could make me feel with just one look, exposed but in the very best of ways.

"Nope. I wouldn't change a thing about us, Clare. Well…"

"What?" I asked, poking him.

"There is one thing I would change, one thing that's already changed."

I eyed him carefully. "What's that?"

"Your name. As much as I have enjoyed calling you Edwards these past few years, I will love every moment of calling you Goldsworthy," he replied.

I pulled him down for a hug, glancing over his back at my beautiful, white gown draped over the sofa. I was so happy at this very moment that it should have been illegal. I was finally married to the man of dreams, waking up after a night of wonderful lovemaking and doing it all without having to change a thing.


End file.
